Soar High Butterfly
by Teagan
Summary: Harry's a Captain in the second war against the Dark Lord and so is Snape. But after an attack things change. Snape used to save Harry...but now Harry's saving Snape...or at least trying his best to keep him alive.
1. Part one

**Title:**_Soar high Butterfly_

**Pairing**: Harry/Snape

**Summary:** Harry's a Captain for the Second War against the Dark Lord. He's fighting for what's right, but wishing for freedom more than anything. When Partner in war Severus Snape is missing, and then found in critical condition, Harry finds himself discovering new feelings for a man he once hated.

**A/N:** Oh my god, I've written a novel length Harry/Snape.** FYI** this is only part one; part two is still being corrected by my most wonderful and gracious Beta, Roisin Grimsley. All together the story is about 35,000 words and should be complete by the end of the end of this month. MARCH. So yeah, long for me. I'd love to hear all and any comments you have; constructive criticism is welcomed :) I'd also like to let everyone know that this story was written** BEFORE **Half Blood Prince came out. So it does not include dead Dumbledore, trader Snape, gone wrong Malfoy or anything else of the sort. Other than that, read, review and love me forever.

**Cheers---**

**Teagan**

I envy the caterpillars. The way they climb and eat happily all day long. And then one day out of the blue, they wrap themselves in a little cocoon and come out, beautiful and new. They fly away, into the sky and somehow they're finally free. You always wonder what being truly free would feel like. I always did anyway. I always wondered what it would be like, to just get away. Fly away. Away from this bloody war. Away from all these memories. To just get up and let the wind be your guide.

But then again that's just a fantasy.

_Harry,_

_It's been hell this week at camp. Dumbledore reckons our troop will be put into action around the fourth, so that gives us about a week to collect ourselves. I know you've been in battle a lot, since you're in the first line, but Harry, I'm fucking piss scared. What if I die? What will you tell Hermione? Or my mum? God Harry, what would you tell yourself?_

_Hermione tells me everyday not to worry…but she's a Medi-witch down here. I keep… I keep thinking about her having to look at my dead body; write down my time of death so my family and friends can be told. I know I'm just being a git, but god Harry; this is the real thing isn't it? I have to go and do my laps, but write back to me ASAP mate. _

_See you, _

_Ron _

Ron writes me now every week. It used to be once a month, or once every other week. After that it got more frequent. Ever since the war became more active. Ever since people started dieing. The first death that was reported was Captain Oliver Wood, Second line leader. It came as a shock because it was the first line that was expecting the first deaths. We had been tracking Voldermort for over a year then and all his movements made it seem like he was heading towards us. But at last second, his group flooded about ten miles east towards Second Line, killing only one. But it was one death too many.

We were told that Wood jumped in front of his line at last second and fought for them. Which in the end took his life.

I guess it's a small price to pay for the lives of thirty others in his line. Or so Snape says.

Snape told me that Wood dieing was better then two of the others dieing. He said Captains were easier to replace than willing soldiers. He said Captains only stood about and told the soldiers where to go. I didn't say anything, until I thought about what Snape had really said. I then asked him, ' Well why is Wood dead then? 'Snape had no answer; he just snorted and told me to get a small fire going and to tell the troops to go to bed.

Snape and I run the First line of wizards and witches. They're the best soldiers for miles around. We have 14 juniors between, the ages of 18 and 30 and then 18 seniors' age 31 and over. Dumbledore gives us orders from the top, along with a few other selected members of the Order. He, Lupin and Moody run around telling troops when Voldermort or any of his death eaters are near.

Snape did that originally for a while. But my troops started to get out of hand. So Dumbledore sent him down here to be Captain with me. Partners I guess you could say. I had always had some sort of respect for Snape ever since I was about fifteen, but it was a feeling I really couldn't decipher.

One night though, after I had gotten wounded and Snape was healing me, I noticed how the respect had grown from just that, to something else.

Snape's hands worked quickly as I groaned and twitched back and fourth. Snape's face studied my wound and ignored my feeble attempts to pull away from his gentle yet painful hands.

"For God sakes Potter, Stop moving and act like a man. " Snape muttered under his breath. All I could do was groan and memorize the feeling of my shoulder going numb under his touch. Snape began to talk once more, trying to take my mind of the excruciating pain in my shoulder and also in my arm.

"If you could be anywhere else Potter where would you be?" Snape asked me, keeping his eyes on my arm as he smeared thick potions on top of it. I hissed in pain and bit my lip. "I ...I would be in the sky..." I said twisting my head to the side and groaning loudly between my clenched teeth. Snape Stopped moving his hands over my wound for a moment and looked at me.

"Why?" Snape asked. I looked at him for a moment through thick-lidded eyes. "Because If I were in the sky, I would fly, and I would be free. " I told him. Snape continued to work, more gently than before and I sighed in relief.

"Like a butterfly. " I added. Snape snorted and pulled out white fabric to tie around my arm and shoulder. I smiled and looked up at Snape's face. His eyes were coal black, shining into mine. Snape let his eyes stay contacted with mine as he finished tying the last of my bandage. My hand escaped from its spot on my cot and lifted to Snape's smooth yet slightly stubbled cheek. My Stomach tingled and my face felt hot. "Don't you ever want to be free?" I asked in mere whisper.

Snape pulled roughly away from my touch and stood up.

"There is no such thing as being Free, Potter. "

_Captain H. Potter_

_Mr. R. Weasley was killed in battle at approximately eighteen hundred hours. We will need a replacement, by Thirteen hundred hours tomorrow. Please make Conference with second and third Line for replacement options._

_Best regards, _

_The Ministry of Magic. _

I didn't expect anything but a letter from Ron. I was wrong. I finished reading it just as My Medi-witch was about to come in and check out Snape's handy work on my shoulder.

"Captain has your shoulder healed..."

"GET OUT!" I shouted angrily. I couldn't take it because it wasn't fair. I found myself stumbling and felt the Witches arms try and catch me. "Captain please, I was sent on order to check up on you..."

"Let me GO and GET OUT DAMNIT! NOW!" I screamed not caring if I scared the women half to death. I fell silently to the floor. Back resting against the fabric of mine and Snape's tent. I howled in my arms, and tried to pull out my hair. I couldn't breathe and my shoulder hurt like hell. I heard someone enter huffing loudly. "For gods Sakes Potter, what..." but he stopped as soon as he spotted me sitting on the ground sobbing.

"Get up Potter..." Snape said angrily. I shook my head and bit the inside of my cheek. I wasn't acting my age. I knew I was being foolish. And damnit! Damnit I didn't care!

"Come on you little brat and get up!" Snape said grabbing me from under the armpit of my good shoulder. Snape hauled me over to the bed and sat me on the edge inspecting my shoulder. "You've scared that damn witch to death with your screaming. Normally I would say good work, but since your shoulder isn't healing and I sent her over here, I must say Potter, you are a complete Lunatic." I said nothing. Because I really had nothing to say. Nothing that would mean anything, But Snape pushed it out of me anyways.

"What in the fuck is the Problem Potter? Besides the bloody obvious."

I looked up at Snape, knowing my face was tear streaked and that my eyes were red and said, "Ron's dead."

Snape said nothing as he took off his muddy boots and unlaced a fresh pair to put on. He said nothing as he washed his muddy face quickly in the mirror and then dried it off with a towel; but as he walked out the door and past the flap of our tent I thought I heard him whisper, "I'm Sorry."

_Harry _

_I'm sorry you had to hear about Ron from the Ministry. I guess I'm sorrier my letter didn't get there first. I wasn't working when Ron was brought in if you wanted to know. And when I asked to see him, well, I didn't even recognize the body as his._

_I don't want to lie to you Harry and tell you that I'll be fine. Because I know that I probably won't be. But in a way weren't we expecting this? Weren't we? Well, you'll be okay. You know how I know that? Because you're Strong. Because you're brave. Because you have what it takes to live through this war; I meant what I said in first year Harry- you're a great wizard. You have what it takes to carry us through this with you. I believe in you Harry. Even if no one else does. _

_I'll write again soon I'm sure. _

_Love, _

_Hermione_

She said that everything would be fine. That we had been expecting the things that had come, but had we really? Or had we just told our selves that we expected it? Either way, I don't think either of us handled the situation very well.

Snape and I had been training with the troops when Dumbledore came riding in saying we were needed in battle immediately. Snape nodded and told me to get the troops ready while he grabbed supplies. I agreed and ran to tell the troops our time had come once again. I wasn't very nervous. Since we had been in nearly ten battles already and no one had been killed, or even hurt too seriously. So I had hope.

I explained our situation to the troops, telling them the headmaster's Urgent message. But there was no way that the words I said could have helped them get over the sight they saw when we arrived on the scene.

There in the middle of grassy flower filled field laid hundreds of dead bodies. Easily I could have pointed out at least five people I recognized. And five more I knew quite well. Blood soaked were the fields left and right. And there, in the middle of it all stood seven Death eaters. Unknown from the masks on their faces. Snape stood beside me, not saying a word. And I stood by him, doing the same. The men behind me, made no attempt to run away, or move forehead. It seemed they were frozen right on the spot.

I could hear the quiet gasps from wizards and witches on the field. People were still alive. People were still suffering.

I looked over at Snape, whose head hadn't moved from the sight of the Death eaters in the middle of blood mess. But finally one of the masked men stepped forward, slipping the mask off his face and began to laugh. His laugh filled the sky with noise, making birds near by fly from their tree nests. "Well, if it isn't Harry Potter in the Flesh." The man said. I didn't recognize him at first glance. His hair was shaved to the scalp. But once he stepped forward enough I saw the grays of his eyes.

Malfoy.

Lucius Malfoy.

"Malfoy." I heard Snape hiss under his breath.

"Why, Severus. What a pleasant surprise this is. Won't the dark lord be Happy to know I killed his little trader…" Lucius drawled. I could see the smallest flinch of Fear in Snape's features, but just as soon as it had appeared, it was gone. "Tell me Severus, what do you expect to do now? Defeat the dark lord? Not even Dumbledore can defeat him now." Malfoy said calmly.

"Your right Malfoy, Dumbledore Can't. But you've seem to have forgotten about Potter." Snape hissed back. Lucius let his eyes rest on me and then he let his head fall back and laugh.

"Don't Severus. You're killing me, really!"

"You know as well me, that Potter will be alive long after the Dark Lord." I looked over at Snape nearly gapping. I couldn't believe Snape. Snape the fucking arse hole was saying this about me.

"After what you've seen…after everything that's happened you really think that the Dark Lord isn't strong enough to defeat him?" Malfoy said pointing to me with his cold gray eyes. Snape smirked.

"The Dark Lord may be stronger, but Potter having the ability to defeat the Dark Lord was a prophecy. Nothing beats strength like a giant helping of destiny." Lucius Snorted and pulled his wand from his left breast pocket. Snape did the same, taking one step forward. My hand flew out and caught his robe, as If I was trying to hold him back. But my mind had yet to register what I was truly doing.

"Let go Potter." Snape hissed. I looked up at him and saw the same look, the day I broke into his pensive. That desperate look. The look that was screaming revenge. And with that I let him go.

I watched Malfoy and Snape advance on each other slowly, eyes never leaving the other's face. A few men behind me whispered of Snape's death, but I let my ears block out their voices so I could only hear the crunch of blood stained grass beneath Snape's and Malfoy's boots.

Malfoy raised his arm quick, muttering something I could barely make out, Snape raised his arm as well, and shouted, "GET THE TROOPS OUT OF HERE, POTTER!" I watched in the horror as the air filled with Red, Purple and White light. It was nearly impossible to see, but I shouted and did as Snape told me. I heard Malfoy Scream, and then Snape later in return.

As the troops and I marched out of sight, through the trees and back to camp, I looked up in the air and saw the worse color of all filling the sky— green.

_Harry_

_Dumbledore hasn't yet heard what's happened to Snape and Malfoy. He said he would contact me as soon as possible. It's terrible what's happened to the Third line. I've been talking with Hermione and she's told me that nearly every body brought in lately is unrecognizable. She says that have to relay on dog tags and other IDs to figure out who they are. But barely any of the men have Dog tags or any sort of ID on them._

_She says it's like some sort of nightmare. She almost feels worse for the men and women who are still alive in their care. It's almost too much to watch them look around at all their dieing comrades. I keep thinking every day that that'll be me in there...or you… I can't take much more of this. If the war doesn't take a turn, I fear for the future of the Wizarding World, and Muggle World alike._

_Until then,_

_Remus _

It had been nearly two days since Remus had written to me; still we had no word from Snape. I tried to not care. I tried to not worry so much over one man, when the whole third line had been knocked out. Snape's life was a small price to pay for killing the man who was responsible for the death of nearly two hundred of our men. Or so I told my self.

Remus came in and tried to help me get my troops in order. To calm them down and make sure things were going okay without Snape. Remus said he had come on free will but I had a strange feeling that Dumbledore sent him along.

"You know Harry, if Snape does not come back, you need to find another partner to help you run the first line." Remus said causally as we sat near the fire after we had dismissed the troops. I acted for a while as if I didn't hear him. But he knew that I had. "I don't need another Partner. " I said stirring the river water we were boiling. "Harry, you need someone else to help you run this troop. To make decisions. First line is big responsibility. " Remus said. He was right. He was always right.

"Fine then. I don't WANT another partner." I said determinedly, looking off into the distance. "Snape would have been replaced anyways Harry, you know that. You never stay in one position very long."

"Maybe he wouldn't have been. I could have convinced Dumbledore. You know I could have."

"I guess you _could_ have. But the question is, why would you want to?"

"Look, Snape isn't as bad as you think he is."

"No he isn't. " Remus agreed.

"I mean he's really ...He's really..."

"He's really…?" Remus said sipping at his warm water.

"He's really...something else." I sighed looking away from the older Wizard. "If you could be anywhere but here, where would you be?" I asked him. Remus snorted and looked at me in surprise. "What? Why?"

"Just answer me!" I said angrily.

"Okay. Okay...I would be At Hogwarts. With Sirius, and James and Peter. Well maybe not so much Peter." Remus said stirring his water and looking off into the distance. "Why?" I asked. Remus smiled and looked back at me." I guess, because around your dad and his friends, I was always happy. There's not a greater feeling in the whole world that compares to being truly happy." Remus told me.

I smiled and looked down at my boiling water. "What about being free?" I asked. Remus sighed. "Well there's that too."

_Harry, _

_Harry you have to get down here right now! We've found Snape! Hurry!_

_Love _

_Hermione _

I grabbed my broom and flew over the trees. I looked around for the sight of Hermione's little cabin where the patients were being held. It seemed to take hours to finally find my way there. Once I had arrived I threw my broom on the ground and ran as fast as I could inside the small shack.

"Harry!" Hermione Cried flinging her arms about my neck. She pulled back and kissed both of my cheeks. She looked terrible. Her eyes were red from lack of sleep and most likely from crying also. Her hair was matted and greasy; it was pulled back tightly in bun. But somehow, she still looked better then I did at the moment.

"Snape is he...?"

"Oh! Harry he's in the last room on the end." Hermione said squeezing my hand in hers. In the back of the small cabin I heard someone scream "NURSE!" and I felt Hermione pull away from me. I walked slowly down the hallway to Snape's room. Hoping that somehow he wasn't in as bad of shape that I pictured he would be.

But he was. That and worse. When I walked in, Draco Malfoy was standing by his bedside, staring down at an unconscious Snape. Malfoy looked over at me and hissed, "What in the hell are you doing here? Pretending you actually like him Potter? " I looked at Malfoy for a moment and then back at Snape. His skin looked paler then normal and his breathing was slow and even. "I'm here to see my Partner. We train the First line Malfoy, remember?" I retorted looking over at Snape's bruised hand.

I let my smaller one fall down and cover his larger one. Malfoy grabbed my hand and pulled me away from him. "I don't know what you think you're up to, but don't act like you know Snape all of a sudden. So you two train the bloody fucking first line together. I don't give a fucking shit Potter! You just stay the hell away from Snape!" Malfoy hissed angrily. I pulled my hand from Malfoy's grasp.

"I flew twenty bloody miles to see him and if I want to fucking touch his hand I fucking will!" I shouted back at him. The door slammed open and Hermione entered looking confused. "What are you two doing! This is a Hospital! Not a screaming fest! If you have the urge to yell, then take it outside!" Hermione hissed. A few nurses behind Hermione gave us dirty looks and went back to tending their patients. I mumbled sorry to Hermione, and Malfoy looked at me and glared. But he didn't say another word as he walked out of the room leaving me there alone with Snape.

However if he had, I would have gladly taken it outside.

"Lupin told me I should have gotten another Partner." I said to him. I knew he was unconscious. And he couldn't hear me. But I couldn't bring myself to care. " He said that I couldn't Run First line by myself. I bet you two would get along well now." I told him.

Snape's eyes twitched in sleep. I sighed and looked over him. "I thought you had died. Even though I kept telling myself you weren't dead, I really did think you were." I whispered. "I don't know, what else really to say, but if you would have died Snape, I would have regretted not saying a lot of things to you." I said. I let my hand reach up and push a lock of his greasy hair out of his face. My stomach twitched thinking about what I had just said. If Snape ha died, what would I have done?

"I remember, when you were healing my shoulder. And you asked me if I could be anywhere, where I would be. " I stopped and took his hand in mine. "And I said in the sky. I would be a butterfly. Flying in the sky being free. And you told me, that free was nothing. Because nothing was free. " I turned his hand in mine and saw a large cut, that hadn't been covered or healed at all. It was now scabbed and crusted. A little mark left from Malfoy Senior. "I think that you're right Snape. Maybe nothing is free. Maybe no one is ever free."

I looked up half expecting Snape to be looking at me like I was an idiot, like he often did before. But he wasn't. His eyes merely twitched and his hand remained cold in mine. I wondered if he would ever wake up; what I would do if he didn't.

"Where would you be Snape? If you could be anywhere but here?" I asked him, even though I knew he was unable to answer. I sighed and let his hand fall back in place against his side and turned around in my chair and leaned back letting my head rest against the soft cushion.

_Harry _

_We need you back at first line ASAP. The troops have been training with me, but if we go into battle I'm sure they'll need your guidance. Please Harry. Write back. At least let me know you've gotten this letter. _

_Sincerely_

_Remus _

It had been nearly a week. I still hadn't left Snape's side. Well For more then fifteen minutes at a time. I hadn't returned back to the first line to train my troops. Hermione said nothing. And the other nurses left me alone for the most part. I think they thought I had gone crazy. Mostly because I rarely slept and when anyone came into check on Snape I would ask him or her "Is he going to wake up soon? " Or " Is he getting any better?" They would give me the same answer every time "He could wake up soon." Or "He looks a little better doesn't he?"

Then one night as I sat reading a stupid book about how to get rid your garden of gnomes, Snape grunted and tried to roll over on his side. I dropped the book and nearly fell head first out of my chair. "Damnit..." Snape growled grabbing his head in pain. "NURSE!" I shouted out the door looking happily at Snape who squeezed his eyes shut tightly. "NURSE! HURRY!" I shouted again. I could here clicking of heals as one of the nurses on duty came running down the hall followed by Hermione.

"He's awake! " I said happily letting the nurse and Hermione get into the room. Hermione smiled and stood next to the nurse looking over Snape. "How are you feeling Mr. Snape?" The nurse asked him. "Uh..." Snape mumbled putting a hand over his face. "Is he better?" I asked over the nurse's shoulder. "Mr. Snape please try and open your eyes." The Medi-witch said pulling out her wand mumbling a soft Lumos. Snape opened his eyes and groaned. "Fucking Hell. Please stop shoving that light in my face..." Snape grumbled angrily. "Is he looking better! " I asked again, feeling excited and nervous at the same time.

"Now Mr. Snape do you remember what happened?" The Medi-witch asked. "Will you get that bloody light out of my face!"

"Is he better?" I asked again.

"HARRY!" Hermione hissed hitting me on the back, at the same moment when the Medi-witch cried, "...MR.POTTER! For goodness sakes! Go outside if you can't contain yourself!"

I sighed and waited outside until Hermione and the Medi-witch wished me goodnight. Hermione smiled at me and walked down the hallway back to her room.

I walked nervously back into the room where I had spent the last week with Snape. He was now propped up against the backboard of the bed with his head turned to the side, hands fisted into the blankets and face clenched in pain. "Snape?" I asked entering once more. Snape held his chest and took in a painful breath.

"Potter." Snape said trying to make his body relax. "Are you alright?" I asked looking over the wizard, almost wishing he hadn't woken up. "I'm bloody terrific. Can't you tell from my extremely comfortable position?" He groaned trying to move his head back over to the front, but failing. "Damnit." He mumbled grabbing the blankets beneath him in a much harder death grip.

I walked over to Snape not really knowing what I was going to do, but I just let my hands do the work for me. I propped up Snape's Hard Hospital Pillows and helped him move into a better sitting up position. The whole while, Snape's Hands were on my shoulders in a death lock, and his face was inches from mine as he groaned in pain every time I moved him a wrong way. "Sorry." I said when he hissed after I scraped the cut I had seen earlier on his arm. "Shut up Potter." Was all Snape said to me.

Once the he was in a comfortable position I really didn't know what to do anymore. Snape sat with his eyes closed taking careful slow breaths that had a sort of wheeze to them. I wondered if Snape was really all right. "What did the nurse say?" I asked suddenly. "That you were an annoying little twit." Snape spat. I sighed and sat down on the left side of Snape's bed.

"I thought you were dead for awhile. We all did." I told him. Snape Snorted. "' I'm sure it was hard on all one in a half of you."

"People really cared that you were dead Snape!" I told him seriously.

"It's a good thing because they didn't care when I was alive." Snape snapped. I sighed and mumbled, " Well maybe sometimes you have to lose something to realize how much it means to you." I said looking up at Snape with determined eyes. Snape looked at me, his dark eyes searching me silently; then he looked away. "Why aren't you with the First line?" Snape asked changing the subject. I sighed. "I came here as soon as Hermione said they had found you." I told him.

"Well you've found me Potter, now go back." Snape muttered. "Why?" I asked suddenly feeling like the only thing I ever wanted to do was sit there in that bed with Snape. Like all I wanted to do was find a way to make Snape feel better. I felt like I had to find a way for him to get better. "Because we are at war here. You are a Captain and as a Captain you have responsibilities to up hold. "

"I don't care." I said leaning to rest my head on Snape's Shoulder. "I thought you were dead and it nearly killed me. Now that I'm here I don't want to leave until you do. Were partners Snape. And that's what partners do. Whether you like it or not."

Snape pushed me off him roughly. "Keep your hands off me Potter, I don't need your damn pity. Partner or not. "

I sighed and sat back down on the bed. I let one off my hands touch Snape's cheek lightly. " I didn't touch you because you're my partner. I touched you because I wanted too. " I whispered. Snape squeezed his eyes shut and tried to pull away from my touch. But I wouldn't let him. I wouldn't let him this time. I let my lips falls softly over his and waited for his hands to push me away. But they didn't. I pulled back and saw Snape breathing heavily and his cheeks flushed.

Snape's eyes snapped opened and his hands landed roughly on my waist. And after that the rest was pretty much a blur. A blur of Snape sucking my bottom lip into his mouth; making me moan. A blur of Snape raising his wand to muttering a silencing charm. A blur of clothes slowly falling to the ground. A blur of Tan and pale skin molding together. A blur of Snape thrusting his hips to meet mine.

Then before I knew it the blur had faded, and I was asleep, along with Snape. Nothing but a tangle of limbs in his bed.

I went back to First line. I wrote to Snape often and asked him how he was doing. He would always write back that he was fine and he didn't need me bothering him every day with annoying letters. But I knew he was lying. He wasn't getting better. Because if he were better, then they would have let him come back to the first line with me.

I really knew Snape wasn't getting better when they sent in another Captain to replace him.

The Captain was none other then Draco Malfoy. I had heard that Malfoy had been taken out a while after He and I met at the Hospital because of leg Injuries. But he hid it quite well when he came to face me, jumping off his broom looking proud.

"Well, Well Potter. It looks like we are pretty much Equal now wouldn't you say?" Malfoy said as he took off his thin outer green robe and draped it over his shoulder with a smirk on his face. " I told Dumbledore I didn't want a replacement." I spat at Malfoy. He merely shrugged smiling. "Well I guess he figured you couldn't do this on your own Potter. He's a smart man that Dumbledore." Malfoy muttered hotly. I snorted and looked over a map of the area around us, looking for a rout to lead us to Voldermort.

Malfoy looked over my shoulder. "Do you even know where Voldermort is Potter?" Malfoy asked. I shrugged and pulled the map out of his sight.

"You know, if were going to be working together, you might as well let the smart one of us see the map." Malfoy said roughly.

"I told you already no one is coming in here and replacing Snape damnit!" I shouted rolling up my maps and shoving them into a sack, before stomping angrily back to the tent Snape and I used to share.

I could hear Malfoy Stomp after me, and I heard the tent flap snap open even after I had entered the tent. "You're such a stubborn little Gryffindor puss Potter, really. At least hit me before you walk away, like a real woman would."

"Malfoy, just so you know, you really bug the shit out of me; since I know you don't like me, and you know that I don't like you, why don't we just split up the troops, so we never have to even look at each other's faces." I snapped.

Malfoy stood for a moment eyebrows raised. "You really are an idiot Potter. You would risk the life of these men, just because you don't want to be around me? If we trained them separately they would never be used to working together, and Potter this is war, so the more people you have working together the better the chance you have to win."

" I don't know if you've noticed Malfoy, but I don't give a shit about this war! Or you, or any of those men! I don't even care if I die right now, because this whole thing is a big smelly, stinking pile of shit!" I shouted.

Malfoy paused and then shook his head. "You know what's wrong with you? You have fucking Snape on the brain. I think maybe you should wise up and realize Snape is as good as dead, before you find yourself giving up everything for someone who will give you nothing in return but a bloody funeral bill! "

I let my Fist fly through the air and make contact with Malfoy's face. Malfoy Shouted and fell backwards with my weight on top of him. My hands flew up and down, over Malfoy's face. He cried out but then suddenly, I felt hands under my Armpits and then around my chest.

"DAMNIT HARRY CALM DOWN! " Someone hissed in my ear. Malfoy lay curled up on the ground panting hard. "Fucking bastard..." Malfoy Groaned clutching his nose as blood dripped down his face slowly. I tried to get out of the arms holding me but they seemed insistent on keeping hold of me tightly. "That's it!" The man shouted grabbing me by the wrist and throwing me outside of the tent.

I felt a bucket of cold water come in contact with my face. I grabbed my shoulders as the cold surrounded me. I could hear people around me talking; sounding confused. "What's wrong with Captain Potter?" one said. Then the person from before Shouted, " Go back to your tents! That's an order!" I shivered and looked up to Remus's face from behind my water soaked glasses.

"Fucking hell Harry, what were you doing?" Remus asked angrily looking at me with disappointed eyes. I coughed wrapping my arms around my self tighter still and looked up at him.

"I said I didn't want another partner."

"You're being stubborn." Remus snapped. "Shut up!" I shouted standing up. "I've taking care of my self my whole life Remus, and Damnit! Damnit if I don't want another Partner then I'm not fucking going to have one! Is that okay with you?" I spat.

Remus sighed and turned his head to spit in the grass to his left. "Fine Harry, but god, why did you knock the hell out of Malfoy?" Remus asked. I snorted, as Remus extended a hand to help me. "Nothing out of the ordinary."

Remus rolled his eyes and sighed. "Well I can't argue with that I suppose, now can I?"

_Potter- _

_I heard about your little fight with Malfoy. It would do you good to stay out of that mans hairs for once. It would also do you some good to stop being stubborn git and listen to Lupin when he says you need a partner. I don't care if you don't want one; you are not wasting my hard training I gave those damn kids on letting them lay around while you mop about your life. Get a partner, or I'll request for Malfoy to come back again. _

…_and Write Granger and tell her to leave me alone for more_ _then ten minutes at a time. _

_S.S._

I tried to go and visit Snape one afternoon but Remus came by and said it wasn't a good idea. I shrugged and went back to my tent, looking through maps and compasses, trying to figure out how many miles were left between us and another large Group of Voldermort's. Remus said I was better off keeping my mind on the war. Because like Snape said, it was time for me to stop being stubborn and get on with things. So I got a new partner.

Neville Longbottom from Second line came and started to help me out with my line. He did most of the actually talking while I sat in the back making the plans and moves against Voldermort.

Neville was pretty quiet when it was just him and I in a tent by ourselves. He seemed to have better things to do then make any conversation with me. Though he did ask me quite a lot if I hated him. Which I replied by snorting and shaking my head. Of course I didn't hate him. It wasn't his Fault Voldermort was winning. Or that Ron had died and Snape was still injured in the Hospital.

It was no one's fault really…

The troops were asleep one night when I decided to sneak out. Lupin had warned me against sneaking out at night, saying he had gotten strict orders from Dumbledore to not let me out of the First line camp. But it wasn't as if I cared what Dumbledore had to say anymore. Half the things he said to me now were lies anyways. So I snuck out, crawling out of bed carefully listening to make sure Neville's snores stayed even along with his breathing. I grabbed my broom from the chest at the end of my bed and walked outside into the fresh nighttime air.

I could almost still smell the blood from the battles that had been fought near by. Remus said that he could smell the blood and death for a good ten miles. Being a werewolf made his senses stronger.

But as soon as I was in the air, zooming past the treetops, the smell seemed to disappear. The air smelled only fresh. It smelled...Free. I felt like I was a butterfly for a moment as my broom flew over the rest of the world. I felt like I really was free. Maybe Snape was wrong. Maybe there was such thing as being free.

I looked down at the trees and spotted the small cabin looking Hospital that I knew Snape was staying at. I happily landed on fresh dirt and walked quietly up to the little hut. My stomach twitched with the excitement and nervousness of being able to See Snape at long last. I walked down the dark hall to Snape's room, and squinted at a faint light I saw. "Harry?" One of them asked. My stomach clenched when I saw standing before me Remus, Moody, and the great leader himself, Dumbledore.

"Is something wrong my boy? Is your line in trouble?" The old wizard asked looking tired and broken. So much so, that it seemed that every mistake the troops made, added a wrinkle or worry to the Wizard's over worked mind and body. "Sir." I said standing straight, saluting. "At ease Potter. What the hell is going on?" Moody growled. "Nothing, Sir. I'm here on visit."

"For gods sakes Potter don't tell me you left Longbottom with the troops?" Moody snapped angrily. "Sir, He's capable of watching the troops for a few hours. He leads all of our training activities. " I admitted. Moody snorted. "And what in gods name would they do If Voldermort attacked right now? You are the Map to them Captain. You just left a damn worthless trainer up there with our most valuable soldiers if they die then..."

"If they die, then they are not our most valuable soldiers!" I spat back. Dumbledore, Remus and Moody all became silent. "... Sir." I added finally staring at Moody. Challenging him. "Potter, Over the years here I think you've forgotten where your loyalty lies. You had better find out, before you find yourself at a lower part of the food chain. " Moody growled. I bit the inside of my cheek, not daring to say a word. I knew better not to cock off to a leading officer twice.

"Now Alastor, there's no reason to threaten. I think Captain Potter understands his duties well. I'm sure he'll return to his Line Now." Dumbledore said calmly. Moody's magical eye landed on the older wizard and then back on me. My stomach ached at Dumbledore's words.

"I really would wish to make a visit before I leave, Sir." I said honestly. "Now Harry, I would suggest you head back to your line..."

"I won't. Not until I see Snape first. "

Lupin bit his lip and hissed "Damnit Harry go!"

"Captain this I would allow—if he were in any order to see you." Dumbledore told me. "What? What's wrong with him?" I asked my heart jumping into my throat. "He's sick Potter, you knew that." Moody growled. "Of course! But they said ...they said he was getting better!" I shouted. "Keep it down for fucks sakes Potter! This is a Hospital!" Moody snapped. "Let me see him! Please Sir, Just let me see him!" I begged. Suddenly not caring if they lowered me all the way down to Private. Not caring if they cursed me a million times. As Long as I could see Snape first. Just see him…

Dumbledore Sighed and stepped aside so I could pass. " Very well."

I nearly tripped over the three as I made my way inside Snape's room. I stopped at the foot of his bed in shock. His face was covered with some sort of mask. He was hooked up to some machine that kept murmuring healing charms, which were cast to him by a long metal rod, which went from the machine into his left arm. His eyes didn't flicker in sleep. And he didn't grumble and move to wake up. I wouldn't have been shocked if Dumbledore had come and told me right there and then that he was to die in a matter of minutes. Not even two weeks ago He had written me a letter. And now he was unconscious and lying hooked up to things that could be doing him more harm then good, for all I knew.

"Severus..." I whispered, the voice sounding strange on my tongue. All the things I left unsaid. All the things I never did. What if I ever have the chance to say or do them?

"He's very Sick Harry." Remus said from behind me. I bit my lip and didn't dare look back at him. He knew. He knew Snape was this sick and didn't tell me. "Him and Malfoy fought hard. There were a lot of spells thrown back and fourth. A body can only take so much magic in at a time." Remus whispered. "He has a sort of Wizard Sickness. It's very rare. You've learned about it in training I'm sure. It's when wizards or witches are introduced to too much magic at one given time. It's called M.O.D. Magic over Dose. "

I could Hear Remus's voice in the back of my head. I could hear him telling me…telling me that Snape was sick. But I couldn't stop staring at Snape. Just hoping and praying that his eyes would snap open and say the whole thing was a joke. "Will he wake?" I croaked, trying to push all of the emotion out of my voice. "Yes. Eventuality." Remus answered.

I looked up at the werewolf and asked, "Will he die?"

Remus looked from me back at Snape and sighed. "Yes."

My throat clenched and my eyes stung. I fell to my knees and let my head rest against the edge of the bed. Snape was dieing. And I still had a war to fight.

I prayed for my death as well.

I remember getting up and walking Past Remus, and Moody and Dumbledore grabbing my broom and heading back to the first line. I remember seeing Neville and him asking me where the hell I had been all night, and me telling him to shut up and wake the troops so we could train.

Neville looked at me like I was nuts. "It's three in the morning Harry."

Anger boiled in my veins. "I don't care if it's fucking three in the morning! As your leading Captain I command you to go and wake the troops now for training!" I shouted. Neville nearly flew out of the tent at my demanding words.

I had broken. There was no time to be nice. No time to care about Snape. We had a war to fight. A war to win.

_Harry- _

_I hope things have been going okay with you and Neville. Remus wrote me and told me that you had come down to see Snape. There's nothing you could have done Harry; in time I think you'll realize that. I promise that I'll write you as Soon as he wakes up. You'll be the first to see him when He does. I cross my heart. _

_Love _

_Hermione_

"Captain...we've run nearly...Six miles...isn't...that enough...?" Panted one of my privates. "It's not enough until you've all shit your pants and vomited at least once!" I shouted flying from the side on my broom. A man next to me bent over and vomited up what looked like dry corn flakes. "Your finished, back to camp with you." I said to the man who stood still bent over, huffing angrily. He eyed me for a moment and then made his way slowly back to camp. Neville flew on the opposite side of the troops looking at me as if I had gone insane. Then again, I think I had.

"You know Harry," Neville said to me one night as I lay looking over a rather large map of the United Kingdom. "Huh?" I asked taking my pencil to mark a spot where Voldermort was last seen. "Some people might think you're a Vampire the way you don't sleep."

I snorted and grabbed my large cup of tea from my right. "Not a Vampire. Just a damn good Captain."

"Being insane and strangely harsh doesn't make you good Captain. " the larger wizard told me. I sat my tea down and looked over at him. "Then what does?"

"Getting you're troops respect. And helping them train, having fun and teaching them a few things along the way."

I snorted and rolled up my map labeling it and setting it aside my bed with the others. "Those things might make you a popular Captain Longbottom, but they'll get you no where. This is war. Not a girl's sleep over."

"You know Harry, you used to be a lot different. A lot more likable."

I rolled over in bed and pulled up the sheets. It was too hot to use the large thicker blanket as well. "Yeah, well people change." I told him. Neville sighed. "For better of for worse eh?"

"Something like that, yes."

The days seemed to past so slowly that they melded into one another. The days were not separate, but one whole day that never ended. Neville said I was stressed and that I should mellow down a little bit. But I knew there was no way I could. If we were going to win this war, we needed soldiers who knew what they were doing no matter what.

Remus came by one afternoon while I was in the middle of a lecture with my soldiers. He said he needed to talk to me. I angrily told Neville to take the men on a five-mile run until I was done talking with him. Neville nodded and shouted for the men to start running.

"They're very fast." Remus said watching the men run across the field to the paths we usually ran on. I shrugged. "If they can't fight a good war they might as well know how to run like hell." Remus laughed and looked past me, still watching them run. "Hermione wanted me to tell you, that Snape woke up." He said calmly. My heart started beating a million miles per hour. I had dreamed of this day since I saw him a few weeks prior, hooked up to machines, looking terrible.

"When Can I go and see him?" I croaked. Remus smiled. "I'm taking over until you get back. Dumbledore doesn't want you to stay for more then one day though." I saluted Lupin and turned around to walk to my tent. I fetched my broom and began to fly towards the Hospital.

I remembered when Remus always used to tell me about the first war. The way he explained it to me, I thought that war seemed like a fun thing. Where you become a hero and save the day. But now that I sat upon my broom flying to see this dying man that was constantly on my mind, I wondered about the way war really is. If it's really worth all the effort. If it's really worth all the killings.

I reached the hut, quickly touched down and jumped gracefully off of my broom. I saw two Medi-witches standing outside. One looked shaken, her hands covered in blood, and the other stood trying to calm her. "H-he just died...I was trying to clean out the gash before I magically healed it ...and he...he..."

"I know...it's normal. It's okay."

The Medi-witch, who was still shaking, looked at me, in my solider uniform and then to her bloody hands. Blood of another man. Ashamed, she turned away from me as I entered the Hospital.

"HARRY!" I heard a voice echo from the halls as I walked down to Snape's room. I looked up to see Hermione running toward me smiling happily. She seemed a lot happier since the last few times I saw her. She hid her feelings well about Ron and the others. But then again, she was a Medi-witch. I guess that fact that people were dieing, became a normal part of her life now. But my familiar face always did make her smile nowadays.

"Ginny wrote me the other day. Weird isn't it?" Hermione said showing me the envelope from her pocket. "What did she have to say?" I asked stopping right outside of Snape's room. "Not much. She's still training North of France. She hopes to come in and start fighting with us with in the next two months." I nodded and looked off in the other direction. I would hate it to see Ginny come here and fight. I would hate it because knowing her, she would be reckless and try to kill anyone she could because of what happened to Ron. However many people get killed like that; I was certain that would be Ginny's fate.

"Does she know what line she's coming into?" I asked slipping my hands causally into my pockets, trying to stop fidgeting. I didn't want Hermione to think that I didn't want to talk her as much as I wanted to see Snape. But somehow I think she knew anyway. "She thinks the Second the line, since well… they're rebuilding it. " Hermione reached out her hand and let it rest on my shoulder. "Harry, if Snape seems a little out of it, please don't comment on it." Hermione whispered. I bit the inside of my cheek.

"What do you mean, out of it?"

"NURSE!" Someone yelled down the hall. "See you Harry!" Hermione said running down the hall towards the screaming voice. I sighed and straightened my jacket carefully. I opened the door and found Snape sitting up against the headboard reading a Book. He didn't look at me as I entered, but I figured he had heard some of what Hermione and I were saying. Hopefully not all of it, however.

"You look better. " I said sitting on a chair by the left side of his bed. Snape lowered his book and glared at me. "Last time you saw me Potter, I was laying unconscious in my bed. I would hope I look better." He snapped.

I laughed nervously and looked out the window that was right above the Snape's head. "Well that's no fun. Having a window you can't look out of." I said trying to make conversation of any sort.

Snape snorted. "Yes Potter it's completely no fun. Because I really wanted to see the bodies flying across the fields screaming for a Medi-witch." He said dryly. I smirked and tried to do anything with my hands besides touch any part of him. I didn't know what he thought about me, after what we did, but all I knew was that I hoped he thought of me as something else then an annoying little schoolboy.

"If you don't want me here, I can leave." I said in a too quiet voice. Snape knew I wouldn't leave anyways. He looked at me and rolled his eyes. "You are too melodramatic for your own good Potter."

"Hey, I have good reasons for being melodramatic!" I retorted angrily. Only later did I realize I was actually agreeing with Snape.

I stood up and walked towards the door, wanting to prove more then anything that I could leave, and that he wasn't stopping me from doing so. Snape snorted and I heard him a turn a page in his book. I turned around feeling furious. "Can't you say anything nice? Anything like, I'm glad you came to visit me?"

"I'm not nice Potter, you knew that long before you slept with me."

"I slept with you? We slept with each other, it goes two ways!"

"That's your opinion." Snape said dryly turning the page once more. I snorted and walked over and ripped the book out of his hands. Snape growled and looked at me, like he always used to when I was a student. Like I was nothing but a menace. "Give. It. Back." He snapped. I shook my head and threw it behind me.

"You weren't even reading it Snape. It was upside down. And even you aren't that talented." I was happy to see colour rising in Snape's usually pale cheeks. "Don't tell me you've sat in here not thinking about me. Because all I did out there, training and teaching those wizards and witches to kill people, I thought about you."

"Oh Please Potter. What do you want from me? A proposal?" Snape growled. "No. I want you to act like you care about something. Like maybe I was something more to you then a little pity fuck."

"And if you weren't?"

"I was more then that. Not even you are that good of a liar Snape."

Snape snorted and shook his head. "You think because I fucked you Potter, that I'm somehow emotionally attached to you. I'm sorry, I'm not as weak as you think I am."

"Caring about someone is being weak? Since when?" I demanded. "Potter, look at yourself. Think back about four months ago. Weasley dies, and you stop eating. You sob and yell at a woman I told to go and check up on you. You caring for that annoying little red head, made you lose track of what your job was in the war. You lost good training time. Therefore you caring for that man, made you weak." I stared at Snape and didn't say a word. "Never let something like that tie you down. Never let feeling rule you."

"What's the point of living you if can't feel?"

"What's the point of feeling if those feelings affect the way you live negatively?"

" I guess I just rather feel something then be a blob of nothing, feeling nothing." I admitted. Snape huffed angrily and looked past me, no longer at me. "Do you want your book back?" I asked picking it up off the floor and handing it to him. Snape took the book and his fingers brushed mine. He began to pull away, but I pulled his hand back and pushed up the sleeve of his hospital clothes. I looked at the cut I had seen when Snape was very first found. I let my finger brush it and suddenly Snape's right hand was on mine, pulling it away from the soft, sore flesh.

"Don't." he said cautiously. I sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at him. His hand still gripping mine a little too hard, his face with a slightly confused look about it, and his eyes, shining coal black, like the very first day I ever saw him when I came to Hogwarts.

But unlike the first time I saw him, I had a desperate urge to kiss him. "Tell me...Tell me you don't want me to kiss you and I'll leave, I will. But just tell me something, please..." I whispered leaning forward slightly. I could feel Snape's grip on my hand tighten. I could hear his breathing become quick and uneasy. I could almost feel the heat burning from Snape. I wanted to be part of that heat. So I closed the small space between us and kissed him, much like the first time I did only months ago. Only this time Snape moaned into my mouth.

Only this time, Snape went slow, he didn't try to take off my robes, or even unbutton my shirt. He just simply pushed me down on the bed and kissed me. Being different heights, When Snape laid down on top of me, my feet rubbed against his shins. But I didn't care. It seemed perfect to me.

Perfect how Snape's Lips molded to mine.

Perfect our how our hands fit together.

Perfect because as much as Snape said he didn't want me, he still kissed me like he did.

I pulled back suddenly and looked up at him his face flushed and lips bruised. He looked different to me. He didn't look evil. Or even ugly. Though I'm sure no one else would agree with me. "I love you." I whispered letting my hand touch his cheek gently. "Don't Potter." He hissed, trying to pull away from me. My stomach stank. "I love you..." I whispered again. I felt Snape growl angrily and Then he pressed me hard into the mattress and kissed me. I groaned and kissed him back with the same fierceness, as he took the words from my mouth and tried to make me regret them.

He gave up, when he realized I was enjoying him kissing me like he was. He pulled back and let his forehead rest against mine. "I'm not nice."

"I don't care..." I hissed trying to pull him back down to me.

"I'm not romantic."

"I hate romance." I said smiling kissing his lips lightly.

"I hate just about everyone I've ever met."

" Me too." I joked kissing his jaw and then his lips again. "I'm serious Potter. I'm not a pleasant man!" He snapped.

"I know Sn...Severus. I don't fucking care. I just ...I just want you. Until ...Until I can't have you any longer." I said looking up at him with forceful eyes. " I will leave you alone with nothing. You're too young to have a dead Lover."

"I'm too old to not have had lover. Someone I really love." I said my tone completely serious. "You will hate me one day." Snape hissed.

"Who says I don't hate you now?" I asked. Snape snorted. "A thin line Potter?"

"I guess." I said kissing him again. I hoped he would forget about everything and just kiss me back. Luckily my hopes came true.

I woke the next morning to the sound of the door opening.

"Mr. Snape, I've brought your morning medicine...Oh my..." I heard an older women say. I opened my eyes and looked at the women, who had a terribly shocked look on her face. "These...these are...for...him..." she said handing me two blue vials. I nodded and blushed trying to cover as much of my body as I possibly could. "Er thanks...sorry about..."

She blushed again and nodded walking out of the room. I heard her heals click loudly as she more than likely ran down the hallway away from Snape's room. "Is she gone?" Snape mumbled from somewhere near my stomach. "Yeah, I guess." I said handing him the two vials the Medi-witch said Snape needed to take.

Snape grunted and tried to sit up. With my help he made it all the way back to the headboard. I got out of bed, reached for my clothes and slowly started getting dressed. "When are you due back?" Snape asked with sour face as he took one of the potions. "Dumbledore said I could only stay for a day, but like I care what he says..." I snorted pulling on my trousers.

Snape eyed me angrily. "Your going back Potter." He said setting the empty vials in the wastebasket to his right. I rolled my eyes and laced up my boots. "You think that this war is some sort of game." Snape told me. I laughed out loud. "Well it seems that way lately doesn't it?"

Snape eyed me coldly. "Then I'm giving for my life for a game you don't even care if we win or lose." Snape paused looking at me to see if I'd answer. I don't know why he does it. Why he kisses me like I'm the only thing in the world, then the next second he throws me out of his life like I'm the morning garbage. I still said nothing though. I just didn't feel like it. I didn't feel like having Snape hate me more then he already did.

"Go back to first line." he said again. I sighed and bent over to grab my jacket off the ground. I slipped it on and left it unbuttoned. I leaned over the bed to kiss him lightly on the lips.

"Fine" I muttered.

Snape sighed and pushed me away gently. I looked at him one more time before walking to the door and leaving. I had a strange feeling that I had just lost a fight.

_Harry- _

_Did Hermione tell you I wrote her? I'm guessing she did. I just found out I'm coming early since second and third line are really in need of troops. Hermione says it's been kind of crazy down there, in more ways then one. I guess I never really expected war to be like this. People I know actually dieing. It's kind of weird but… I always thought this would be fun, you know? Maybe you don't. I guess I just always pictured war making me into something like a hero…something like you._

_I'm supposed to arrive at Order central at about five in the morning tomorrow. You should meet me. Maybe we can talk before I go to my line. Hopefully I'll see you then. _

_Love,_

_Ginny _

I went back to the first line. Neville and Remus had run things pretty well. I was even told the soldiers were glad I was gone. I didn't really care though. Neville informed me that Dumbledore had stopped by to see how good of shape the soldiers were in. He said he wasn't too impressed. He said they looked over worked. Also, that I was to come in to talk to him as soon as I returned. I cursed under my breath when Remus and Neville finished telling me.

"Bloody hell! Why didn't you owl me? I could have saved fifteen miles of flying. Now it's going to take me a good hour to get to there. " I said angrily. "Dumbledore said we shouldn't. They're going to be stopping owl flight pretty soon. He doesn't want them to get intercepted. " Neville explained. I growled angrily. "That's horse shit! I just got a letter from Ginny. I swear that man just loves to fuck around with me." I snarled fisting my hands into my hair.

Remus sighed and pulled my hands away. " I have to fly back as well, so at least we won't be alone." Remus told me. I snorted. "I'll have to stay there until tomorrow sometime too." I snapped remembering Ginny wanting me to meet her there.

"Ginny wants me to meet her when she arrives with her troops from pre-training." I told them. Lupin sighed." Well at least you won't be alone. I think Dumbledore called in the other four captains from lines two through five." Remus said.

I grumbled and unbuttoned my jacket to put on a fresh one. "Well, better now then never, shall we?" I asked Remus grabbing my still air cold broom from the ground. Remus nodded and grabbed his as well.

I didn't really expect Dumbledore to be angry with me because of the way I had been training my troops. I figured he had gotten used to Snape being the way he was, that when I began to train in the same fashion it wouldn't even cross his mind. I think Dumbledore knew that I hated fighting now. I think he knew, that if I had the chance I would retire veteran. I know Mrs. Weasley would be disappointed. Remus probably would be as well. I know Snape would want to kill me, but I didn't think I would care. I just wanted this war to end. For me but also for everyone else. Either way, I didn't care.

When Lupin and I finally arrived at Order Central, Moody greeted us at the door.

"Dumbledore's been expecting you two. Potter go straight in. Lupin, Tonks and Malfoy need you in back." I cringed knowing that damn Malfoy was here. I wondered how close he was to Dumbledore and how much trust the older man placed in him.

I stepped inside after Remus nodded at me and left my side. I began to wonder if Dumbledore would be talking to me alone, or if Moody and some of the other Order members would be present. I imagined myself becoming angry in a room full of Wizards and witches. I was sure they would take my badge for captain if things got too out of control. My worries vanished quickly when I looked up and saw Dumbledore standing at the top of the stairs.

"Ah, Captain come up would you?" Though the older wizard had asked me, I knew it was a command. I shrugged and walked up the stairs. I didn't really think Dumbledore could look much more tired then when I saw him weeks back at the Hospital. However, if possible, now he looked even worse. Though his eyes still held youth and wisdom, his face held the aging and tiredness of an old man. I began to really notice, not only what the war was doing to the world, but the people.

Obviously Hermione and I and any who knew Ron would never be the same again. Snape and I would never be the same. I used to hate the man for gods sakes! Now I'm fucking him! Remus would probably be the sanest out of us all. He seemed to deal with losses the best so far. Then again, I always knew Remus as a man of honor. Never showing any real emotion besides happiness.

I also knew what Dumbledore had to say probably wouldn't be anything I wanted to hear. I followed him up the stairs into a small room that he had made his own. It was one of the larger rooms in Order Central. We hadn't even referred to this house as Sirius' since he passed through the veil. Remus was the first to acknowledge it as Order Central, and no longer Sirius'. I think it made me feel as if Sirius was never really here. That he never really lived in this place.

But every time I saw Lupin here, I'd watch his eyes skim the room, looking for something that had changed about the house. As if he's trying to put new memories over the ones he wished he could forget. Like he's pushing everything away.

Maybe I was wrong. Remus would probably be the worst out of all of us in the long run.

I sat down in the small room, before Dumbledore even offered. Because I know he would have anyways. I watched him open a draw of his desk and pull out a thin stack of papers. He pulled the first one into his eyesight and began to read. "Short tempered, Strangely Cruel, Demanding, evil, Insane." He paused and looked up at me. "That's just one mans opinion." Dumbledore said setting the paper down on his desk.

I snorted. "So my troops hate me." I said.

"They think your mentally enable to train them. One solider, and I quote said, ' He makes us run until we vomit, and if we don't vomit, he makes us train more until we do.' "

I shook my head. I felt anger rising in my temples and a flush coming to my face. "Was Snape any better?" I ask standing suddenly. "Even Captain Snape knew his limits. " Dumbledore said.

"It's a war damnit! If they can't handle some fucking food coming out their nose then they can't handle anything!" I snapped; I was aware that I had just shouted at my leading office and commander, but I really didn't care.

"Captain Potter, I am forced to make you turn over your badge and fill out your leaving papers. " The older Wizard told me. I looked out the window for a minute and clenched my fists. They had taken my best friend, My God father, my whole life, and now they wanted the only thing keeping me a live. My destiny.

But I gave it to them. I ripped my badge off my chest and pulled my dog tag labeled captain off my neck. I left the one that said Potter, just so I knew who I was. I slammed it down on the Desk.

He opened his mouth as if to speak but I stopped him before he could. "There is nothing you can say to make this okay Albus so don't even start. I've spent my whole life killing people because it was my destiny. You told me this is what I have to do. I have to kill the dark lord and all who try to stop me from doing so. "

He looked at me with old sliver blue eyes and sighed. "You're right. I did say that. But your destiny has changed. "

"It hasn't changed." I said sternly. Dumbledore sighed, "...but you have. "

We remained silent for a long while. I came to the conclusion that we weren't going to win this war, and Dumbledore had no intentions of us doing so either.

"What do I do now?" I ask him suddenly. Feeling very vulnerable and alone. Alone and scared. I had nothing now. Nothing but a damn dog tag and the clothes on my back. "You live the best you can. You hope for the best. You pray for your friends. And you forget what you saw."

I choked down a laugh and turned to look out the window once more.

"Can I go home then?"

"To Privet Drive?" He asked sounding surprised. I smiled and looked back at him. "To Hogwarts. "

The Older man smiled and looked at me. "I think that could be arranged. And I am quite certain captain Snape would be willing to join you."

_Harry-_

_Remus came and told me about you. I don't know what to say really. You get to go back to Hogwarts. I find myself wondering if that's what you really wanted all along. I guess we all think about going back, don't we Harry? Maybe me even more then you. I think about. I think about you, Ron and I. Then I remember there's no going back. Maybe you'll realize that too. I hope Harry, that when you sit at Hogwarts some night you'll pick up a quill and write me. I want to part of your Future. Even if it's nothing like your past. _

_Love, _

_Hermione_

I decided things hadn't turned out the way I wanted them. Or maybe just not the way I pictured. After I got my badge taken away Ginny came and we talked for bit. She looked so different. Her hair was still the same flaming red, and she smiled more often then necessary, but she was still different. She had lost her innocence. I think it was the first time I had notice that too.

She talked mostly. And I just listened. She told me about Ron's Death. And how her commanding officer told her in front of her whole troop. So she couldn't move, or cry or do anything out of line of her soldier duties. She backed off Ron and talked about Missing the Burrow, and how excited she was when Remus came down to check on them training. She hadn't seen anyone for such a long time that seeing his familiar face seemed unreal.

The night slipped away and Ginny talked. I found myself listening less and less and thinking more about Snape and I. Wondering if Snape really did want to go back to Hogwarts with me. I think Ginny noticed my mind was elsewhere. I felt her hand land on my shoulder lightly and I turned to face her in question.

"Hmm?" I asked snapping my head towards hers. "What are you thinking about?" She asked toying with the end of her red ponytail. I sighed. There was no way to explain what I was thinking about so I just shook my head and looked out the window. Ginny's hand still hadn't moved from my shoulder.

I felt her scoot closer and her head come to rest where her hand was moments ago. "I miss things like this." She told me. "Feeling things. Feeling things that make me forget where I am. Who I Am." she told me. I held my breath and wondered if she had lied all those years ago. Maybe she did still have some sort of feelings for me left inside.

I felt her small hand pick up mine. I looked down and saw how small her hands were compared to mine. How un-scarred they were. No calluses. No marks. She knew nothing of this war. She didn't know what she was jumping into.

"I like you Harry. I guess..." She paused and I bit my lip looking at anything but her. " ...I just always have." She said kissing my cheek lightly. She had no idea what she was doing. And even more important who she was doing it to. I wasn't Harry Potter the Boy who lived anymore. I was Ex-Captain Potter. I was a man who had seen more blood then Wizards twice my age. I was someone who didn't allow pretty girls to touch him anymore.

Only Potion masters.

I snorted and pushed her away. "Ginny … don't." I heard her disappointment, god ...I almost felt it. "I'm sorry." I whispered. " I didn't want to believe it." She said angrily. I watched her fists clench next her sides. "What?" I asked looking at her confused. She pulled at her hair and stood up .

"I didn't want to believe Hermione. God, Harry! Why?" She asked me. I didn't even know what she was asking me, but somehow I think I did. She looked at me with pleading angry eyes. "Why Snape? Of all people, of everyone you could have had!" Ginny hissed.

"You don't pick who you love Ginny. It just happens." I told her. She gapped at me. "You love him? He's an ass; he was a death eater and God Harry, its Snape!" She shouted.

"Well you love me Ginny and I'm a murder, an idiot and I'm an ass like Snape too! I just got my badge taken away because of it!" I shouted back. Ginny shook her head and turned her back to me.

I left soon after not saying anything; I didn't know what to think of her anymore.

I knew I had nothing to do but go and see Snape. To tell him about my adventures since I had last seen him. I hopped on my broom and flew past the trees and camps full of troops ready to fight, hoping that Snape was well, and that everything would turn out okay.

I landed carefully and walked went inside the hospital hearing only the sounds of my footsteps as I walked down the hall to find Snape. I came to his door and stopped with my hand on the handle. My heart pounded and eyes watered. I prayed that he was okay and that he wouldn't scowl me upon entering.

I opened the door slowly and found Snape lying on his side, blanket partly off, sleeping. I smiled down at his thin, long form. I had the sudden urge to just curl up and sleep. I had a feeling that if He were by me I wouldn't mind sleeping forever. I took of my boots, and then my outer robe. I carefully unbuckled my dirty green trousers and my white under shirt slipped over my head easily. I pulled the covers back completely and slipped into the bed next to Snape.

He didn't stir as I tucked my head under his chin. Or when my arms wrapped about him. He didn't even grunt as I kissed his neck lightly and breathed in his scent happily.

I felt my eyes draw heavy and my mouth open in a painful and long yawn. My mind grew fuzzy and my eyes finally shut. I feel asleep for the first time in a long while, not thinking about the war or anything else.

_Harry-_

_I know I shouldn't be writing you telling you how sorry I am. I'm a fool and I know it. I know you do too. You must think I'm such a git the way I acted. I guess I'm just sorry. I'm sorry that I let myself get angry so easily. I'm sorry for kissing you. I just think about you sometimes, and when you finally there breathing, talking and just being alive, I knew I couldn't let that slip by. I knew I couldn't just let that chance slip by. You could have been dead soon, so could I, in a way I'm glad I did it. It's something I have to remember when I'm off fighting. Something to hold onto. _

_Write me please, _

_Ginny. _

"Potter." Someone whispered in my ear. I grunted and pushed away. I didn't want to train those idiots again. I never wanted to wake up again. "Damnit Potter..." the voice growled. I cracked my eyes as my brain registered the voice again. "Severus..." I sighed happily letting my hands flop up lazily to his shoulders. He growled angrily and tried to pull away but my lips sealed to his to fast and he was stuck.

Right where I wanted him.

I felt and heard Snape make some sort of noise. I panicked wondering if I had hurt him but his arms came around me pulling me closer. The noise was not in pain after all. I sighed when he pulled away, and hummed happily as my hand came in contact with a pillow. "I hope you didn't kiss Weasley like that." Snape said dryly. I snapped up and looked at him confused.

He held out an open letter, with Ginny's name on it. "Thanks for reading it." I mumbled pulling it out of his grasp. " I have a right to know when my lov..." He stopped as he rolled his eyes at the word that nearly passed form his lips.

"Your what?" I asked smirking. Snape growled angrily and said nothing. "What am I Snape?" I whispered pulling him down for another kiss. "An annoying brat, with terrible breath." Snape said. It was his turn to smirk. "Yours isn't any better." I said pulling the blanket over my chest for heat.

"Dumbledore contacted me." Snape said. I groaned into the pillow. "He told me about your troops and that your badge has been taken away from you."

I didn't answer. If he already knew, there was nothing to tell. "What the hell did you do Potter?" Snape hissed. "I didn't do anything! I trained them. I made them strong. I did the same thing you would have done. "

"I didn't get my badge taken away." Snape pointed out. "You obviously did something Potter."

"Why do you do that! " I snapped angrily. "Why do you kiss me one moment, like I'm the only thing in the world, and then act like I'm some piece of shit picked off your damn boot?"

"If you would not act like a piece of shit Potter, I would not treat you as such." Snape snapped. I stood up and grabbed my socks from the inside of my boots and slipped them on my cold feet. "Did Dumbledore also tell you that you and I can go and stay at Hogwarts?" I asked Snape. I watched his eyebrows rise. "Why in gods name would I want to go there?" He asked stupidly. "Because I would be there. Because I want to be there. With you." I said not looking at him. Not wanting him to see me, if he wouldn't let me see him.

"But if you don't want to go to Hogwarts with me, then I guess...I guess I'll just have to go by myself!" I said yanking my shirt off the floor and putting it on. Snape rolled his eyes and pointed to the tag that stuck up from underneath my chin. I had stupidly shoved my shirt on backwards and inside out. "I thought I was supposed to be the stubborn one, Potter. But if you insist on going by yourself, I have no reason to stop you." Snape informed me. I stood still for a moment and thought about going to Hogwarts with out him.

I dropped my trousers I was holding in hand and sat down on the bed next to Snape. He looked away from me, but I still stared right at him. "Please. Just come with me. There's nothing here. Please." I asked letting my hand rest on the upper part of his thigh. I knew Snape was uncomfortable. I knew he probably wanted to smack me right now, but I just couldn't take no for answer.

"Hogwarts isn't the sky Potter." Snape told me dryly. My memory hitched and I thought back to the day when Snape asked where I would be If I could be anywhere but here. I said the sky. Because I could be free, like a Butterfly. "I know. But isn't it close?" I asked him. "It's all in the eyes of the beholder. " Snape said looking at me.

I smiled and leaned over kissing him lightly on the lips. "Come with me."

"I'm sick Potter."

"I'll take care of you." I said kissing him again.

"I don't need anyone to take care of me." He said stubbornly.

"Fine. Then Poppy can take care of you, if you need it, and you can teach me how to make those nasty Potions you have to take." I said smirking happily. Snape sighed and pulled away from my eager gaze.

"Fine." He grumbled at last. "But we are not flying. " Snape said crossing his arms.

"Only the best for my Potions Master." I said slipping out of bed.

_Harry- _

_Dumbledore agreed to let you and Snape use a portkey to Hogwarts. He said Kingsley or I would bring one by sometime tomorrow afternoon. He also said that McGonagall and Flitwick might stop in some time, along with a few ministry officials. Hogwarts won't be empty, by any means; Poppy will be there if any help is needed with Severus. Maybe I'll stop by as well. See you tomorrow maybe. _

_Sincerely, _

_Remus _

Snape didn't look happy as Kingsley stopped in, smiling, holding an old looking wizard hat in his hand. "I hope you two are nearly ready..." Kingsley said watching as I zipped up the last of Severus's things. "Yeah, nearly." I mumbled looking at Snape who sat in his training robes, looking still highly displeased.

"Alright, Snape?" Kingsley asked eyeing the Potions Master.

Snape glanced at the slightly younger man. "Fine." He muttered looking away from Kingsley's curious eyes.

"Two minutes..." Kingsley said looking at his watch. "How's Remus?" I asked hauling the last of Snape's bags on the bed; pulling out my wand in order to shrink them. "He's alright. Dumbledore made him stay, and made me come. Full moon's tonight. He's a bit restless right now." Kingsley explained. I nodded and bit my lip remembering the correct spell to use on the bags.

Snape pulled out his wand and muttered something I couldn't understand; the bags shrank slowly until they were barely the size of a baseball. "Severus!" I hissed. He looked at me with cold eyes. He knew he wasn't supposed to do magic. The slightest bit made him weaker by the minute.

"Do me a favor Potter, save your breath. " Snape snapped angrily. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself from saying something that I would certainly regret later.

"Lay a finger on the Hat now..." Kingsley said eyes on his wristwatch. "Five...four...three...two..." and I suddenly felt the all too familiar tug in my navel.

We landed inside of doors of Hogwarts. Snape swayed falling back into me a little. Something pained in my stomach and I ignored it. I grabbed Snape's elbow to hold him for a minute, but he yanked away grunting something about not needing help. I knew that wasn't the reason. Didn't want it, more like. But I still wanted to give it to him. Because I knew someday not far from now he would need my help. Whether he wanted it or not. Kingsley watched Snape pull away from me, out of the corner of his eye. I knew he wanted to question Snape's coldness to me, But I just turned and stared blankly at him.

Snape said not a word to Kingsley, not even a small thank you, as he made his way down to the familiar cold of his Dungeons.

"Thanks. " I said squeezing the older Wizards Shoulder before following quickly after Snape.

Even if he was sick, he walked faster than normal, like he just wanted to get away from me. "God damnit Severus, wait for three seconds, would you!" I snapped running after him. Snape slowed, but not much, and he didn't look back to see If I was catching up or not.

He entered his rooms, with out using a password. I expected that when everyone left Hogwarts for the war, That Dumbledore un-spelled all the doors here. But I wasn't sure. Snape stood not far from the doorway gazing around the room. As if looking to see if everything was the way he left it.

"You could have at least said thank you to Kingsley." I told him coldly. "Leave me alone Potter." Snape growled walking to the front of his rooms, grazing his fingers over the soft wood of his desk, which was covered in a thin layer of dust. Two papers were laying on it, looking hastily ripped open. Snape lifted one, and then after looking over it quickly crushed it in his hands and threw it in the wastebasket.

"What was that?" I asked looking at Snape's frustrated expression. "Old news. " Snape muttered. "Bad news?" I asked wanting to reach up and touch his cheek. He looked paler than I remembered. "No, Potter, I won the lottery." Snape said dryly. I snorted and reached into the basket opening the crinkled piece of paper.

Snape was sitting in his desk chair, digging through his draws, looking at old papers and such.

The paper looked like it was a note of some sort. It had a date in the upper right corner, but it was empty.

"Were you writing something here or what?" I asked looking over at Snape. Snape reached over and took the paper from my grasp, brows creased together. "Please, stay out of my business Potter." Snape snapped tucking the bit of parchment in his breath pocket of his robes.

"A minute ago it was just a piece of trash. " I said stuffing my hands into my pockets. "Don't you have anything else to do, besides stand there like my mother, Potter?"

"I just want to be here with you, like we planned, Snape." I said coldly. "I don't want to be here Potter. I don't want to be anywhere you are at the moment." He told me.

"What is your fucking problem Severus? One minute we're shagging and the next you hate me and want me gone! Do you have multiple personalities I should know about!" I shouted.

Snape stood up tall and grabbed me by the collar. "If you recall Potter, I never wanted to be here in the first place. And when did I say I liked you? "Snape hissed shoving me away. I crossed my arms over my chest. "You never said it. I just know. "I told him. Snape snorted. "You're a true Gryffindor you know that?" Snape muttered.

"...And you're a right bastard." I said right back. Snape rolled his eyes and sat down at his desk again. I walked over and placed my hand carefully on his shoulder. "I like you, though." I whispered. I wasn't even sure if Snape heard.

Snape moved away and looked around his classroom. I swore for a moment I heard him whisper, "Moron."

_Harry- _

_Remus said that Kingsley took Snape and you back to Hogwarts yesterday. I hope every thing is well with you. Things here are alright. Remus stops in every now and then, to see any patients he knows. Neville is in. A bad leg injury. Some death eaters attacked, but only seven died. So I suppose it could be worse. Kingsley said Snape wasn't very pleasant to be around. But I just shrugged. He's not very pleasant usually is he? I suppose you can't blame him. I hope you're okay Harry. I really do. _

_Love,_

_Hermione._

"Will you get that annoying owl any from me!" Snape snapped as I finished reading Hermione's letter. I sighed and shook my head. Snape was stirring some sort of Potion, as I picked up Hermione's letter and opened the window for the owl to leave. "What are you making anyway?" I asked curiously.

"Nothing." Snape mumbled reading the instruction from a crinkled piece of paper. It was obviously the potions, the Medi-witches at the Hospital wanted him to take. "I told you I would help you make those." I said angrily standing next to him. "I would rather have Longbottom inject me with poison than trust you making a potion." Snape said coldly.

I rolled my eyes and starred at Snape smiling faintly. He was pale, and sick looking. But somehow he still looked as intimidating as he always had. I watched Snape take slow steady breaths. His hand began to shake a bit as he added what must have been the last ingredient.

I walked around the table and carefully took the ladle out of Snape's hand. "Let me stir it...Just...Just sit, would you?" I asked looking at him with a worried expression. "Potter..." Snape growled. But I just gently pushed him to a near by stool, and began to stir. "Slowly Potter!" Snape snapped. I sighed and stirred slowly, and surely, making sure the Potion was turning a dark purple like the instructions said.

Snape let his head fall carefully into his hands. "Alright?" I asked looking at him with concern. "Fine, Potter, Watch the potion if you would please!" he hissed.

"Alright ...alright..."

A few minutes passed, and Snape looked up at the potion carefully. "Fill that up, on your right." He said with a tired sound in his voice. I picked up the cup and poured it slowly from the ladle, nearly all the way to the brim, and handed it to Snape. Who mumbled what sounded like a thanks.

The Potion smelled alright, but I had enough experience to know that not many potions tasted great. Snape sat the cup down and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. I walked over to him and moved a piece of dark hair out of his face.

Snape looked away from me, breathing more evenly now. It was strange. How being here with the man I used to hate, and somehow kind of still did, made me feel more free then I ever had been. I felt for the first time in my life, that I had control on what was happening around me.

Even though I knew that people outside these walls, were dieing.

I let my hand rest against his slightly ruff cheek. Snape stiffened for a moment. Even though I had touched Snape more times then I could count, he never got used to affection. Never understood that I enjoyed doing it. "Alright?" I asked moving close enough to stand between his legs, where he sat on the stool.

He was taller than me. But when he sat down, we were nearly the same height. "I'm Fine Potter...for the last time..." Snape hissed. "I wish you didn't lie." I whispered resting my head against his. I felt him shudder and breathe heavily through his nose. "I. Am. Fine." He told me again, trying to convince me.

I smiled and pressed my lips carefully to his. "Me too. " I told him. Snape made a sort of desperate noise and pulled me closer. "Moron." He muttered against my lips, before kissing me again. Softly. Not pressing and forcing. Just light lips on lips. He pulled back and gently kissed me again. I moaned and wrapped my arms around his neck. Snape pulled back once more, and I opened my eyes. His were opened as well.

God, they were dark. So dark, I felt myself being pulled into their depths. Felt myself being pulled into Snape. I couldn't take it. I wanted to be part of him. I launched myself forward kissing him forcefully. Snape groaned and let one of his arms wrap around my waist as the other dug into my hair. My lips were going to bruise, and I wouldn't leave Snape's in any better condition.

This man had no idea. No idea what it was like for me to know he wasn't always going to be there forever. That he was going to die. He didn't know I would care if he died. And even if he heard me say it, would he believe it?

Snape's hand somehow got under my shirt and crawled up and down my spine. I moaned and pressed myself closer to the man I somehow had come to love. I pulled away and dipped my head into Snape's neck and kissed it lightly. Snape's hand still trailed up and down my back carefully.

"I love you..." I whispered. Snape said nothing.

But he didn't let go.

He never let go.

_Harry - _

_Its hell here, I won't lie to you. I suppose you don't expect less, do you? It is war after all. Dumbledore says you didn't take having your badge taken away well. I told him there was no way for you to be alright with it. I tried to talk sense into him, Harry. But he's always right. Albus always has a plan. Whatever it is I'm sure you come along somewhere in it. You have to. It's your prophecy to kill Voldermort. I just don't understand that man sometimes... It's hard to. _

_I hope your well Harry. I mean it. _

_Take care. _

_Sincerely, _

_Remus._

I set the letter down and carefully laid my hand on the old tawny owl, before opening the window to let him out. Snape was asleep. Sleeping was what he did a lot of lately. It wasn't as though I thought he was bound to get better. Remus and Dumbledore clearly told me, he would not live through this. There wasn't a cure for being over dosed to magic.

And for the longest time I thought magic cured everything. But really, too much of it hurts you. It didn't make sense. It just didn't.

I heard a coughing sound coming from the bedroom. Severus told me to stop mothering him but every time he coughed, or struggled for breath, my heart always stopped and I would have to remind myself, _he's sick Harry...this is real. This is real... _I had to remember that, even though he sometimes looked fine. He wasn't. And that's not fair. It doesn't seem fair that a man, who went through some much pain, had to die.

If I could have, I think I would have traded places with him.

I looked up, hearing more coughing noises and gripped the edge of the desk, until my hands started to turn white. I couldn't just sit there any longer.

I walked over to Snape's bedroom door and carefully opened it. Snape lay, still sleeping, on his back, head to the side, and arms thrown above his head. His blankets lay on the ground, so hurriedly I picked them up and covered him again.

When I looked up, Black eyes melded into green. He said nothing for sometime. He just starred at me with lidded eyes, looking as though maybe he'd just fall back asleep. "Have you nothing better to do?" He asked dryly pushing himself into a sitting position. I shrugged and went to the side table and pulled out my wand, in attempt to fill Snape's glass with water. I stopped and looked at my wand.

Any kind of magic would just make his condition worse. I never noticed just how often I used magic. To pour myself a simple glass of water, I used my wand. Snape looked at me with a raised brow. I leaned over carefully and kissed his slightly chapped lips, before walking into the bathroom, cup in hand.

Snape seemed to watch me the whole time. Eyes fixed like hawk, wondering what in Merlin's name I was up to.

"Is your wand broken?" Snape asked taking the now filled glass from my hand. "No." I said as I sat down next to him on the bed. Snape rolled his eyes and took one careful sip of water before handing it back to me. "Are you hungry?" I asked him.

He hadn't eaten in nearly a day.

"No." Snape said soundly slightly annoyed. "Remus wrote me. He is doing alright." I lied. Snape closed his eyes and leaned back against the headboard. "The full moons in eight days. Does he need a potion?" Snape asked. I hadn't thought about the full moon. "I dunno. He didn't say." I told him.

Snape snorted. "He wouldn't. Lupin's a moron. He thinks too much about interfering in others lives, rather then slightly improving his own. "

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "He's not a moron and you know it." I said standing up. Snape grabbed my arm, and pulled me back suddenly. I thought for a minute we were going to have another stupid argument.

"D-Did Lupin say anything about the war?" Snape asked, as though he just wanted a reason for me to stay with him. Like he didn't want to be left alone. I looked down at my arm, which Snape still held in a tight grip.

"He...he said it's like hell..." I admitted. Snape sighed and let me go.

I bent over and pulled off my socks carefully. I then stood and slipped off the sweater I wore. Snape watched me with interest, especially when I glasses got caught on my sweater and then flew off when I tugged rather hard on it. I heard him make a noise of amusement and I glared at him before removing my trousers leaving me, in just a white shirt and boxers.

Snape looked at me curiously as I made my way back to bed pulling the covers back and crawling in.

"Who invited you?" He asked dryly, lying back down. I shrugged and moved closer to him. Snape lay facing me, looking at me, as though trying to remember what I looked like.

"I don't remember that..." Snape muttered reaching out to feel a slight indent on the right side of face, just below my cheekbone. "Got it training." I told him. "Me and Ron were goofing around with the new swords."

Snape snorted. "Leave it to a Weasley."

"No, actually I was trying to look cool when Hermione came into the room and I swung it wrong."

Snape huffed rubbed a pale hand over his face. "Only a Potter."

"You have something against everyone don't you?" I asked leaning forward seeking his warmth. Snape sighed and wrapped his longer arms about me, as I dipped my head into the crock of his neck.

"Not everyone. Just you and your friends." Snape muttered.

I laughed and kissed the pale throat, listening to the almost even breathing coming from Severus. Not much later he fell asleep. It wasn't long before I followed in suit.

_' Weasley! Get over here! ' A dark haired man yelled. Spells flew back and fourth, and somehow Ron and I stood in battle together. 'Get over there and kill them morons!' Ron shouted at the soldiers still following him. I looked at Ron about to ask him what was going on ...he was dead...he was supposed to be dead..._

_Ron wiped the sweat from his forehead and tightened the hold on his wand before running right past me. I ran after him, wondering what the hell was going on. I looked down at my feet and found myself barefoot. I stopped running for a minute and to look at myself clad in a white t-shirt and boxers. _

'_Anderson! You fucking moron! Watch out!' Ron shouted. I looked over and saw the man that must have been Anderson. He didn't look a day over eighteen, as he stood watching a spell being flung towards him. _

_Ron pulled out his wand and shouted a clear, 'Avada Kedavra!' I heard in the distance someone scream, most likely a death eater of some sort. _

_Ron pulled Anderson by the arm and started to run again, near a large bunch of trees. _

_I wondered what I was about to see...and if it was what I thought it was. _

_Not even second later, three death eaters came flying in on brooms, black robed, white masked and all. They all had their wand at the ready, flying towards Ron and the other man. _

"_RON!" I screamed. I was going to see him die...I was going to see how he died..."RON NO! LOOK BEHIND YOU!" I screamed. Even though somehow I knew he was going to die anyways. Even though I knew he couldn't hear me. _

_One of the three death eaters pointed his wand right at Anderson and shouted, 'Avada Kedavra!' Anderson fell limp and Ron stopped suddenly. I watched as Ron turned around to see the killers, face sweaty and full of dirt. I watched them scream with joy and call together, 'Crucio!' _

_I had expected them to just kill Ron. No. They didn't. _

_They just let him suffer. And suffer. Suddenly, Hermione's words came back to me ,'... I didn't even recognize the body as his...'_

"_STOP IT DAMNIT!" I shouted watching the death eaters shriek with laughter, Putting Ron under Crucio over and over again. Ron's scream echoed in my mind, like I was there to hear it, like I had seen it all before. Finally, after what must have been a good fifteen minutes, they stopped. I looked at Ron, face paler than death, blood coming from both his mouth and nose... he didn't look human...he..._

_A death eater raised his wand and screamed, 'Avada Kedavra!' Ron stopped twitching and lay perfectly still. Only the whites of his eyes showing. _

_'NO! GOD DAMNIT!' I shouted trying to run over to him. They killed him...they fucking killed him..._

"Potter...Stop it… Potter Damnit!" Snape growled as he held my arms away from his face. Snape looked down at me with tired eyes. "He suffered Severus...they didn't just kill him...they fucking destroyed him..." I sobbed trying to pull out of Snape's grasped.

"Who was killed? What..."

"Ron! Ron was killed! I just saw it... I just..." my stomach made a sick sound and I covered my mouth and ran to the bathroom. I made it just in time, before I vomited. Snape was there moments later. His cold hand on my back. He reached up in the cupboard and took out a blue vial and handed it to me.

"What..." I tired but Snape just shoved it at me, covering his yawn with his hand. I unstoppered the vial carefully and looked back up at Snape. He was probably sleeping very well until my insane babbling woke him up. "I'm sorry..." I mumbled before pouring the contents of the vial down my throat. "You can't control dreams, Potter." Snape said factually. I sighed and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

" I know...I just...I haven't had a dream like that in ...in a long time." I told him. I tried not to think about it. Tried not to think about Ron. Or what I had just seen.

What if Ginny or Hermione, or even Mrs. Weasley knew that was how he died? How could they stand to live another day if they knew?

I bit my lip and wiped my eyes before Snape would comment on it. "Can we just go back to bed?" I whispered standing up. Snape was still taller then me; he probably always would be.

He looked down at me for a moment and then pushed open the bathroom door. I walked out without saying another word to him. And as we got into bed, Snape grabbed me around the waist and kissed me. I stiffened for a minute, confused. He pulled back, and looked me in the eyes before pulling the blankets over us both.

"Sleep." Snape muttered, pulling me back into the same position we were before. I sighed and pushed one my legs between his to get comfortable. As I felt myself slip into a more peaceful sleep, I felt Severus's lips as they kissed the side of my head.

_Mr. H. Potter, _

_By request of the Order of the Phoenix you are to attend a highly important meeting, August the 14th, at number twelve Grimmauld Place At approximately nineteen hundred hours. This is a REQUIRED meeting. _

_Best wishes, _

_Albus Dumbledore, Remus J. Lupin, Alastor Moody._

_**The Order of the Phoenix.**_

…_.to be continued…._


	2. Part two

**Title:**_ Soar high Butterfly_

**Pairing**: Harry/Snape

**Summary:** Harry's a Captain for the Second War against the Dark Lord. He's fighting for what's right, but wishing for freedom more than anything. When Partner in war Severus Snape is missing, and then found in critical condition, Harry finds himself discovering new feelings for a man he once hated.

**A/N**: Well, it's about five months late, it probably has some errors I didn't catch, but it's finally here; so forgive me. The second and final half of 'Soar High Butterfly' my 30,000+ words piece. That's a mouth full… anyways, I hope you enjoy it, and please give me any feed back you have.

Also, for all your Americans out there; Happy Thanksgiving. Go eat a turkey or something.

**Cheers---**

**Teagan**

I read the letter once then twice, making sure I fully understood what it said. They wanted me back? Now? After I had finally gotten away? After me and Snape could finally just be together and done with the war? It made me furious and I couldn't help but groan and fall back against the bed with all my might. I regretted it a second later, when Snape sat up slowly looking at me with tired eyes.

"Do you enjoy ruining every moment of my life?" Snape muttered stifling a yawn. I laid my arm over my face and couldn't decide if I should tell Snape about the letter or not. But my conscious got the best of me, so I pulled it from underneath the covers and held it in front of his face.

He said nothing for some time. I saw his eyes scan over it what seemed like a million times, and even after he set it down, he didn't say a word. "Well?" I asked becoming nervous. "You'll go Potter. That's that." Snape said lying down with his back now facing me. I sat up and suddenly reached for Snape wanting him to know that I didn't want to go anymore than he wanted me to.

I laid over him my chin resting against his chest, in a strange, yet somehow intimate position. "I'll come back you know." I whispered closing my eyes when I saw Snape had closed his. "Or…" I paused for a moment wondering if I should even ask. "…You could come with. I'm sure they'd understand. I can't possibly leave you here alone…" I said honestly.

Snape growled and pushed me away with such force I almost fell off my side of the bed. "You think I'll be helpless if you leave Potter? You think I can't live without you?"

I bit my lip and tried to think of something to say that wouldn't make me sound even more like a fool or make Snape feel even weaker. "You could live…you could okay...but I want to be there every moment you do. I'm not leaving you here. I can't waste any of the time we have left." I whispered not looking at him.

Snape laid back down his back facing me once more. The room became cold and I felt myself shiver. I gave up and lay back down too; hoping maybe I could just forget any of this ever happened.

When I woke next I was alone and beside me a scribbled note lay, clearly from Snape.

_**I'll go with you. **_

We packed the day of the 14th and prepared for Kingsley, who would once again come to pick us up. This time when the tall, dark wizard came his expression was anything but friendly. He looked worn out and over worked, not mention angry at something. "Kingsley." I said extending my hand. He took it but barely glanced at me as he shook mine in return.

"Four minutes." He Kingsley said suddenly breaking the silence. Snape crossed his arms and said nothing and did not attempt to look at Kingsley or even acknowledge his presence. "So, er….how's Remus?" I asked. It seemed strange to hear myself say those words, the exact words I said to him the last time we met.

"He's out of battle at the moment." Kingsley muttered eyeing Snape coldly. I barely noticed though wondering about Remus. "What? Is he okay?"

Kingsley stared down at me. "He was captured and returned." My heart pounded heavily in my chest. Captured…and…returned? It didn't make sense. "Who?"

"Two minutes." Kingsley said. "What the hell is going on with Remus?!" I asked raising my voice. "He was captured by death eaters three days ago. They returned him the morning after the full moon."

"W-what did they do to him?" I whispered looking at Kingsley shocked. How could he talk about it like it was nothing? How could he act like it wasn't a big deal? "Snape, Potter, finger on hat if you would…" Kingsley said holding out the old Wizarding cap. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on the pull that would be coming, rather than the fact that Remus was probably in pain in some hospital bed somewhere.

"Four….three….two….one…" and we were off.

When we landed just outside the order house I was surprised to see that Dumbledore opened the door to greet them. Snape looked winded when I glanced back, but the next moment he stood up straight at though nothing were the matter.

"Why Severus." Dumbledore said sounding surprised. "I didn't know you were coming." I opened my mouth to tell Dumbledore that Snape was my guest but Dumbledore held up a hand. "It's quite alright mind you, Harry. No worries."

The wizard said stepping aside so Kingsley, Snape and I could enter. In the center of the room, much different than the day Harry came to visit Ginny, sat about fifty witches and wizards, who were taken notes as Draco Malfoy stood at the front of the room speaking.

"As you all know the war has taken a turn for the worse. We have a total of 783 deaths and 1,236 injuries. The dark lord is no fool and he is getting cleverer by the second."

Malfoy glanced ahead and saw Snape and me standing in the back of the room. But he continued to speak. "We have a slide of nine wizards and witches that have been used as prototypes for Voldermorts latest experiments." The wall behind Malfoy suddenly shown a picture of a person with the dark mark branded on nearly every inch of her body. The witches and wizard made notes quickly, but I wondered what the hell they could have been writing.

That Voldermort's insane?

"Female, 19, Virginia Weasley, caught 9 days and four hours ago just outside of the third line camp. Body found 3 days ago."

My breathing stopped and no one else seemed to be affected. Ginny, it was Ginny they were talking about. "No." I whispered as the picture of Ginny flashed and turned into an older wizard that lay in the glass half transformed into a werewolf.

"Subject two, name unknown, was bitten and charmed by a werewolf that would force him to be transformed forever. Subject two died before The Dark Lord could test his new idea however…"

I watched the slide change person, after person. Some I knew, some I didn't. Snape stood emotionless and said nothing, while Dumbledore patted me on the back and told me that we should go up stairs and talk. I followed Snape and Dumbledore, looking at my feet as I went.

"I don't understand…" I muttered. Dumbledore looked at me frowning. "Why Ginny…" Dumbledore sighed. "We hadn't told anyone besides her parents before this meeting. It would have been too much for many to understand or bear."

"They shouldn't have to bear it or understand! Where was Ginny's Captain when this happened?!" I shouted angrily. Dumbledore looked out the window of his large office. "That, I'm afraid is my fault."

"It's your fault the third line Captain is irresponsible?" I hissed. "No, Harry. I recently gave the third line over to Draco Malfoy. He on the other hand, has many other responsibilities besides being a usually very good captain."

I wanted to scream at Dumbledore for being such an idiot. Why should Malfoy get his own line? He didn't do any good with the first line when he was there, and he obviously had other things he had to do. But the question I pondered over and over again was, what did Malfoy do besides being Captain?

I glanced over at Snape who stood near the window, the thing Dumbledore had probably been looking at before. "What does Malfoy do besides his captain duties?" I asked. Dumbledore looked back to me and smiles slightly. " Draco is a very busy man Harry." He told me.

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms in a Snape like fashion. "That wasn't what I asked. I wanted to know what he _does_."

"As I'm sure you know Harry, Severus was discovered as spy for the Order not long after the war began. We still needed to know more about Voldermort's plan though, so we sought out another man who would do his best at filling Severus's shoes."

"Malfoy" I whispered to myself. Dumbledore nodded. I looked to Snape again and saw his face looked sour as though he hated the idea of someone taking his job. It was all very clear to me how everything happened the way it did.

Snape came to the first line after he had been discovered as a spy, and he hadn't been replaced or moved like so many others because Dumbledore knew Snape was pissed about being found out and replaced. It was so fucked up, and yet so perfectly put together. I was thankful he was discovered right then, but I would never tell Snape that. But I was thankful none the less. His mistakes of being found out placed us together.

Like fate.

"That's how Draco gets the pictures of the abused soldiers. Voldermort finds it almost pleasurable to have someone like Draco who admires his work through pictures."

I shivered and tried not to think about the look of Ginny's mutilated body. "Is Voldermort really that blind?" I asked Dumbledore. It was quite funny though. That the Dark Lord was stupid enough to let someone photograph his doings.

"It seems that way doesn't it?"

Snape turned away from the window still saying nothing as he kept his arms crossed tightly across his chest. He looked at me and raised a brow. I let my arms fall to my sides and turned back to Dumbledore for answers. "Kingsley said something to me about…"

"Remus." Dumbledore finished for me.

"He didn't…I mean ….that second man, subject two, was that his doing?" I asked hoping it wasn't true. "No, Harry." Dumbledore said sitting down behind his desk at last. "Severus, Harry sit."

We took our seats as I waited for Dumbledore to tell me more about Remus and his capture.

"He was caught a day before the last full moon and returned the morning after. He looked nearly unharmed besides the normal bites and scratches he usually inflicts upon himself," He paused looking at me with steady blue eyes. "…but he was covered in blood. Not his own mind you, but others. Of those Voldermort let him bite or kill, depending on the Dark Lord's word." I bit my lip and closed my eyes for a moment.

It wasn't fair…it was never fair. The entire amount of time I knew Remus he was always a kind man. A giving man, even when he had nothing to give. And yet because a curse he had, his life was torture. I couldn't bear to hear what Dumbledore told me….I tried to not listen, but I couldn't not…so I heard every damn word.

"He's alright though….does…does he remember?" I asked. "Remus is currently in the same hospital Severus was in. He's fine, being treated for a minor injury he believes."

I stared at Dumbledore confused. "He believes?" I asked. "Remus would not have wanted to live with those memories Harry. In fact, when he came back to the Order House he explained what had happened to Alastor and I and then told us we should kill him."

"So you erased his memory instead?" I snapped. Dumbledore sighed. "Harry, Remus is a very strong, brilliant wizard. We cannot afford his lost or anyone else's like him."

I could tell as soon as the older wizard said this he regretted it. "But you can afford to lose someone like Ron." I whispered. "Harry that came out wrong I didn't mean…"

"But you did!" I shouted standing up. "You can afford to lose someone like Ginny or Ron but not someone strong like Remus or fucking Malfoy?" I screamed.

Snape grabbed me by the arm pulled me back into my chair. "Face it Potter," Snape started voice emotionless; "Your friends are worth less then other wizards and witches out there, including yourself."

I didn't want to hear what they were saying. Telling me some lives were worth more than others. Ginny fought for what she believed in, Ron saved people's lives every day. Yet they were not worthy enough to live. Not like Remus. Or Malfoy.

"What did you call me here for." I asked in a mumbled voice not looking at Dumbledore anymore. The older man leaned back in his chair and folded his hands across his lap.

"I was wrong to say to you those days ago that you were not meant to defeat Voldermort any longer." He told me. I snorted.

"I made a mistake Harry."

I remembered Dumbledore's words for a moment, "Great wizards make great mistakes." Dumbledore chuckled at this but said nothing for a few moments. "Yes Harry they do. That's why I'm asking you to return to first line." Dumbledore should have known I would have never said yes. Not to that anyways. Not to going back to the soldiers who knew I was disgraced with having my badge taken away.

"No." I said. Snape turned to me looking shock but said nothing. Dumbledore closed his eyes for a moment as though thinking of some way to convince me. "I will never go back to first line. But I will be there to defeat Voldermort. I swear it." I told him.

Dumbledore opened his eyes and stared at me. "Then I believe you."

Snape and I left alone from the Order house that time. Kingsley brought out the old hat and held it for us, still looking angry and over worked. We felt the pull and landed, coming home much earlier than I would have thought. But by no means was I disappointed.

I went to Snape's supplies cupboard and pulled out a bottle of his medicine he needed to take every night and morning. Snape grumbled looking annoyed as I carried it towards him and held it out for him to take. He seemed to study the bottle curious as to what is was, though he had taken the same thing for nearly two months now.

"I made it myself. " I said before he took the entire amount in one gulp. Snape rolled his eyes. "Well if I die then I know who to blame." Snape muttered handing the bottle back to me to put away. I didn't move the second he handed it me; I just waited. To see if maybe Snape would say thank you. When he didn't I reached up and pushed his hair away from his eyes like I always did, and then walked to put it away.

I stood washing out the bottle in the sink when I heard and Snape approach me from behind. I prayed for a minute that he would touch me or do something. It seemed so rare that he would be the first to move, it had always been me to do that. My prayers were answered when hands wrapped around my waist and his head went to my neck, to kiss and nibble.

I could barely breathe. Barely move. I couldn't do much of anything really, I just dropped the still dirty bottle and waited to see what else Snape would do. He stopped soon after with the kissing but his hands remained moving about my waist and stomach.

"You must be the most annoying, stuck up, arrogant little brat I have ever come across." Snape whispered with his head rested against the top of mine. I laughed moved my hands to touch his' and Snape allowed it.

His hands were ice cold. But his mouth had felt warm. It was so strange to think that Snape was dying. I closed my eyes and tried to picture myself without Snape teasing me or saying snide remarks every time I entered the room or annoyed him. But I couldn't. When I opened my eyes I couldn't see right, it was blurry. So when Snape tried to turn me around I almost didn't want to go, but I did.

His eyes bore into mine and I wanted to tell him that I loved him, or that I couldn't stand the thought of him not being around. But before I knew it Snape had pulled me forward and was kissing me; and I had no heart to pull back and tell him what I felt he needed to know.

'I'll probably die when you die.' I thought to myself when Snape pulled back. "You should sleep." I whispered. Snape rolled his eyes and stepped back. "Yes, mother." He grumbled walking away from me and into the other room.

_Harry-_

_I take it Albus told you I was in the hospital. I hope you didn't worry too much. It's just my leg after all ,and it's almost completely healed. I can't even remember exactly what happened, so that makes it even better. Albus told me you refused to go back to the first line; but I can't blame you. I wouldn't go back either. I'd never do any of this another day if I didn't feel like I had too. He said you'll defeat Voldermort in the end, but I just told him that you would have anyways. Whether it was offered to you or not. _

_Best wishes to you and Severus, _

_Remus_

When Snape slept I usually brewed him potions, so he wouldn't have to hassle with it later. I had gotten very used to making them day after day that I began to almost like the art that was potion making. I began to realize how Snape enjoyed making these things, and how he could do it day after day; even for hours on end. It was quite relaxing and it made time go by.

But after the Potions were done, it was hard for me to find things to do. Snape slept odd hours, which usually took place during most of the day time. He'd come to bed with me every night, but recently I had the feeling he wasn't sleeping.

"Did I keep you up last night?" I asked one morning. "I could take dreamless sleep or…" Snape interrupted me suddenly though, "You did not disturb me last night."

I sighed and looked away from him. "Are you sure?" I asked once more. Snape picked up an old daily prophet he probably had read a million times by now. "Yes Potter, why?" he asked angrily.

"I dunno, you just look tired…" I admitted.

I wasn't positive that Snape wasn't sleeping well at night, because he could have simply been getting weaker from his illness. Well, I thought that until I woke up one night to find him reading a book out in the sitting room. I crept out of bed feeling nervous and worried, thinking that maybe Severus had needed me and I wasn't there to help.

But when I found him he was simply reading a dusty book from one of his many shelves. I was surprised to see he was wearing a small pair of gold rimmed glasses. Reading glasses. They rested on edge of his nose and as he flipped the page he looked up at me. "You needn't worry yourself over me. I'm fine." He muttered coldly.

"I know." I said stretching. I suddenly felt very cold wearing only a pair of boxers and a white shirt. I walked over to Snape's work table when my green button up army jacket lay. I slipped it on and went back over to Snape and sat by the fire.

"What are you reading?" I asked suddenly. "It's called a book Potter. It's an ingenious invention really." Snape said smoothly. I rolled my eyes and took a stab at him. "Since when do you where glasses?"

Snape looked at me indignantly, "Since before you were born." He snapped. I had a sudden flash back of when Ron and I had gotten in trouble in second year when we flew Mr. Weasley's car to Hogwarts. Snape had said 'That tree you hit has been on these grounds since before you were born.' It was strange really, how things changed so easily from year to year.

"Do you need them just for reading?" I asked. Snape sighed and set his book in his lap. "Yes Potter, for reading only. " I bit the inside of my cheek thinking. "Well what about when you make Potions then. You've never worn glasses then."

Snape rolled his eyes. "Did you perhaps not think that I charmed the books I used to be readable to someone who may need glasses?" Snape shot back.

I snorted, "So why didn't you charm that one?" It looked for a moment that I might actually win. "Because Potter, I got this book before the war, and had not a chance to read it until now."

I felt like a moron. Of course he hadn't charmed the book yet. He couldn't. Since he didn't before he got it, he was stuck to using his glasses. Any magic preformed now was strictly forbidden. "I'm sorry." I mumbled. Snape sighed and took off his glasses to rub his eyes.

"I know."

The next week passed almost the same as the many before it. Snape slept during the day and I during the night. I spent most of my hours making so many potions I wasn't even sure if Snape would use them all before he…before he, well, died. But I made them anyways.

It wasn't until exactly one week after I had accused Snape about his glasses, when I found a familiar piece of paper lying next to the same book he had been reading. It was the piece Snape had thrown away hastily when we arrived at Hogwarts months ago. It was still crumpled as it lay next to the book, and I remembered how it had nothing but the date in the corner.

I couldn't help but reach down and pick it up once more. Just to see if things had changed. But when I opened the parchment I saw only blankness and the small date written in the corner.

_Friday, September 9_

There had to be more to it than that, I thought. After living in the Wizarding world for so long I began to realize that many things were not what they seemed. I pulled out my wand and thought of something, some…spell or charm that would show me what the paper really said. But none came to mind. But an instant, I thought of third year when Snape had caught me out late with the Marauder's map.

"Ah….show me your secrets?" I said knowing I sounded stupid. I wasn't surprised when the paper still showed nothing to me. "Leave it to bloody Severus Snape to have a password for a damn letter..." I muttered to myself. Suddenly as if my frustration had triggered it to become readable, words appeared in the same eerie way that had with Tom Riddle's diary.

_Professor S. Snape_

_I was informed today of your situation and asked to take the next step in completing the plan originally set out for you. It is to my knowledge that the Dark Lord has long expected my devotion to take a leap forward into becoming one of his many loyal death eaters. I'm writing you today to inform you that I have been chosen by Dumbledore and the Order of Phoenix to take over your full responsibilities and that you shall be taking your new place as Head Captain to the First line troops. Potter will be expecting your arrival on the 11th, no later than 8:00 am._

_Sincerely, _

_Mr. D. Malfoy _

I scratched my head and read the letter once wondering why it had been hidden from sight. The only thing I could possibly think of was that incase Voldermort or anyone else intercepted the letter. That rarely ever happened anyways.

"Potter." A voice said from behind me. I turned around slowly wondering whether or not I should hide the letter. But when I saw his face I knew it was too late and that he had only seen what I had read. "I'm sorry…I know I shouldn't have been snooping but I…"

"You're sorry quite often for offences like these." Snape said coldly. My mind flashed to Snape's angry eyes of hatred that burned into mine when he found me within his pensive. "If you wouldn't hide things from me…I mean…" I bit the inside of my cheek trying not to look like I wanted forgiveness, but also hoping that he would give it to me.

"So you've found that Mr. Malfoy was the one who replaced me. But you knew that anyways. Was it such a surprise to find how easily Dumbledore and the Order placed another person's life on the line?" Snape asked stepping dangerously closer. I thought for a moment. I hadn't really considered that was what they were doing; but when I looked up at Snape's face I realized he believed that was exactly what they were doing.

"Pick a pawn Potter. A person. It doesn't matter who, or why or how old they are. Throw them into the game and promise them protection. That's all you need Potter. Protection. And you'll think you're free but you're not. You're never free; once they've used you for something and you burn out, they throw you somewhere else." Snape was right in front of him. Right there staring at me with this anger I couldn't understand.

Snape hated Dumbledore, and the order... or maybe just the idea of it.

"You hate them don't you?" I asked looking at the ground. Snape snorted, "Don't you?" He asked. I took a breath and thought. No, I didn't hate Dumbledore. Sometimes I pretended like I did, spoke like I did, acted like I hated him with every fiber in my body. But for some reason I found it hard to truly hate.

"No. I don't hate anyone."

I remembered what Snape had said about feelings, and how they hold you back. I wanted to speak up and say to him that had anger was holding him back but I couldn't. "You need to take your potion." I said walking over to the cupboard where I stored them all. I grabbed one and walked back towards him with it in hand. Snape stare at it for a moment, and my hand began to shake. He looked at me then back to the vial.

Suddenly Snape raised a hand and smacked it out of my grasp. It hit the floor and shattered, glass and purple potion lay about the spot where it landed. Snape pushed me against the wall and stared at me not saying a word for some time.

"I won't stay alive for them any longer." Snape hissed resting his forehead against mine. "I won't…I can't do it anymore." I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him forward into a hug dipping my head into the croak of his neck. "For me then," I whispered as my sight became blurry. "For me then." I repeated.

Snape reached forward body shaking as I held him close. He grabbed another vial from the cupboard and pulled back just so he could take it in one gulp. Just as he finished I pulled his head down and kissed him fiercely. His mouth still tasted like potion and god, it was horrible. I couldn't imagine taking two of those a day. Snape groaned and pushed closer, causing my head to bump against the glass cupboard. It hurt a lot, but I said nothing. I held on until Snape was done. It was all about him, and no one else. Not the war, not Dumbledore, not the order. Just Snape.

_Harry-_

_Remus has been asking about you. A lot lately, it's strange. I think you should come and see him. Alone maybe? I dunno Harry…something about him just doesn't seem right. It's almost like he's remembering what happened. Of course he hasn't said anything like that, but it's just the way he acts once in a while. Dumbledore said there was no way he could be remembering; because of how strong of magic they used to erase the memory. _

_But magic can't work all the time, can it? I hope you'll come Harry, if just for a day. _

_Love_

_Hermione_

For some reason I wasn't surprised when Hermione wrote saying Remus was acting strange. And I was even less surprised to hear that Dumbledore thought it was nothing. It seemed the old Headmaster tended to look over such small things, as he had done a million times before. I did want to go and see Remus too; because I knew he would come and see me if I were in his position. But I didn't know what Hermione wanted of me asking me to come alone. How could I possibly leave Snape behind? Of course, Madam Pomfrey was here and McGonagall now and then, but Snape wouldn't want to stay with either of them.

I doubted whether he'd even want to leave his rooms.

"Hermione asked me to come alone." I told Snape after I explained more about Remus. "I wouldn't have gone with you anyways." Snape said sounding annoyed as he read over the same old Daily prophet he had everyday for the past few months. I couldn't be sure if Severus was lying or not. I knew he wasn't terribly fond of Remus, but I also knew that he and I did most of everything together nowadays; and leaving him behind almost felt like betrayal.

"What if you just let Pomfrey come and check up on you now and then? It'd be a good thing for both of us…I mean," I paused watching Snape set down his paper to look at my cruelly, "...I wouldn't have to worry and you could have some company."

"Poppy Pomfrey isn't the sort of company I tend to surround myself with." Snape said coolly. I rolled my eyes. "Oh come off it, It's better than Filch…or…Dumbledore." I said biting my tongue hoping I hadn't said the wrong thing. "Hmm—quite," was all he said in return.

In the end I convinced him to allow Pomfrey to come in once a day to make sure he was alright, but he still looked rather pissed when Kingsley came with the portkey once more. "Snape." The dark wizard said nodding at him. Snape crossed his arms about his chest and huffed angrily.

"Shacklebolt."

"How have you been?" I asked Kingsley trying to make civil conversation. "Fine, and yourself?" Kingsley asked smoothly. "I'm well." I said smiling. Kingsley reached up and patted a hand on my shoulder kindly. Snape growled from behind me and was immediately by my side. "It'd do you good Shacklebolt, to keep your hands to yourself."

"As you wish _Severus_." Kingsley muttered. "Two minutes, Harry." I nodded and looked at Snape whose face was tinted pink with anger. He pulled me aside for a second and I could tell Kingsley was watching us the entire time. "You watch yourself out there, Potter." He said so only I could hear. I smiled and stood on my tippy toes, kissing Snape once on the lips. "I can take care of myself you know.."

Snape rolled his eyes. "I have no doubt." He said sarcastically.

A few moments later my hand was on the portkey, with me and Kingsley being sucked away to where Remus was staying in the wizard hospital. It looked the same as it always did; beds full, Medi-witches scurrying back and fourth between the many patients. I looked about hoping to see Hermione so she could tell me where Remus was, but she was no where in sight. "I'll be going then Harry." Kingsley said suddenly.

"Alright," I answered turning around to shake Kingsley's hand. "I should be back sometime later tonight to bring you back to Hogwarts. I'll owl if I'm to be earlier." And with a pop he was gone. I still stood hoping Hermione would turn up as she always did, but it seemed unlikely. I saw a young witch coming forward looking like she was in a hurry, but I stopped her anyways.

"Excuse me!" I said raising my hand slightly. "I'm looking for Remus Lupin." I told her. The Medi-witch paused pulling out a small pocket book from her robe. "Lupin….Lupin…" She muttered flipping through it. "He's in a private room, 234, on the left down that corridor." She said point behind her. I nodded and went in the direction she had pointed out to me.

I tried to keep my eyes on my feet, knowing that upon looking up I'd see the faces of those I probably knew. "Harry!" Someone said suddenly from my right. I glanced up to see Neville sitting in one of the beds, his leg raised and wrapped up tightly. "Neville, are you alright?" I asked approaching his bed. "Yeah, I'm good. It's just my leg again. I can't seem to get to work for long nowadays." Neville told me.

I looked him over for a moment before asking something that came to my mind the minute I saw him. "How's the first line?" Neville frowned. "I'd almost forgotten you had your badge taken away." Neville whispered. "It doesn't matter. How are they then?" I repeated.

"As well as can be expected. Malfoy comes and helps out when he can and Remus ….well I guess you know all about that." Neville muttered. "Have you visited him at all?" Neville added. "That's why I'm here actually. Hermione wrote me. Told me I should come by."

Neville nodded. "Well she's right. He's not all there if you what I mean…not that I can blame him." Neville shuddered for a moment and I had a feeling I had too. "I better go, you know…just incase he's waiting." Neville smiled but said nothing else as I walked away.

It was different speaking to him now that I wasn't in charge of him. I didn't feel like screaming, or telling him who was boss. It was strange, but a good strange. If that's possible. I saw Remus's door even before I was fully down the hallway. It was cracked up, the old golden door numbers caught a bit of sun light making them sparkle. A Medi-witch came out from the room and glanced at me smiling. "Harry!" She said.

Hermione grabbed me around the neck and hugged. "I'm glad you came." She said eyeing my nervously. "He's so…I can't explain it Harry. I wrote Dumbledore again. Something's just not right about him anymore. He's not sick….but he looks like he is. I'm not aloud to let him leave…" Hermione whispered. I raised a brow.

"It's against the regulations here. He's showing signs of insanity, we can't let me go out and fight and he's losing his mind!" She hissed angrily. I sighed and pulled back from her approaching the still open door. "Just….yell if you need anything." She said squeezing my hand before walking down the corridor in the direction I came from.

Remus sat on his bed, reading a book and to be quite honest it wasn't a strange sight. He looked normal, healthy—but when he glanced up at me his eyes met mine and I knew something was wrong. "Harry, how have you been?" he asked setting down his book. The room felt suddenly cold, and I shivered from it. "Okay and you?" I asked.

Remus chuckled to himself shaking his head, "People know not to ask that question to me anymore Harry." I bit my cheek and swallowed nervously. "Ah, why?" Remus sighed. "Because I don't give them the answer they were hoping for."

I nodded. I understood….well sort of. "How's your leg?" I asked. Or was it his arm He had been to believe was injured? "It's good. Strong, like it's always been."

"…are…do you need something Remus?" I asked. "I could go and get you some food…or water or…"

"Dumbledore?" Remus said coolly folding his hands in his lap. "Well, I don't know he's probably…"

"Busy. Yes this I know. Hermione tells me all the time. He's busy."

"Why do you want to see him?" I asked suddenly. Remus smiled at me, "Oh I think you know Harry." I did know. But I didn't dare say a word. "Dreams are a funny thing Harry. Very funny indeed. I read once that things once forgotten can be recovered in dreams."

I thought about this for a moment. "How do you know if it's real though? If you just saw what you think you forgot in a dream?"

Remus shrugged. "I suppose it's up to the person to decipher whether it's real or not." I didn't know what he wanted me to say, or do. So I stood looking about the room wondering why Hermione asked me here. There was nothing I could do for Remus. Nothing he couldn't do himself anyways. I knew by the way he spoke that his dreams told him the story of what happened the night the death eaters had captured him; but I still couldn't know for sure if everything he dreamt of was the truth.

Dumbledore couldn't possibly know who Remus bit or killed if anybody was even. Yes there was blood on Remus's clothes, but no one besides the dark lord and his followers knew for sure. I thought for a moment before I came across something I must have been foolish to have forgotten. Dumbledore was excellent at Occlumency. I was certain then that Dumbledore did know everything that went on that night; and I was determined to find out what.

The headmaster looked surprised when I arrived at the Order house without owling first. "I was told to no longer send owls." I admitted sourly. It was true, just a few months ago I was told that letters were no longer being sent amongst the camps and so I no longer took the time to send any out; even though many came in addressed for me.

"Of course." Dumbledore said smiling. He led me up to his office looking almost nervous, as though he knew why I was there. But he couldn't, that would have been impossible. Dumbledore was good, but not that good.

"To what do I owe the pleasure Harry?" he asked. "Lupin. I'm here about him." I explained. Dumbledore's brow came together slightly as he sat down behind his desk. "He's doing quite well isn't he? Alastor told me just yesterday how much better Remus looked…"

"Then he's a liar." I interrupted. Dumbledore eyes me for a moment. "Don't say such things Harry. Not in times like these." Dumbledore whispered. "Why? Because it's true? Because we can't trust anyone anymore? Go and look at Lupin and tell me he looks better! Because he doesn't! He doesn't; you, moody, me, everyone knows he's one step closer to death everyday!"

"Harry what brought this on?" the older man asked me. "As if you don't know." Dumbledore sighed and leaned back in his chair. "You can lie, you can pretend and you can act all you want but that doesn't stop things like this from happening! Like…" I paused feeling suddenly very light headed, "…things like Remus going fucking insane because he's remembering what happened that night!" I snapped.

"Impossible." Dumbledore said calmly. "Oh cut the shit Albus! What the fuck happened? You must know …and it must have been pretty damn bad if your magic can't keep the memory from his mind!" I spat.

Dumbledore closed his eyes for moment as if he thought maybe when they opened again Harry and all his problems would be gone. "He killed two muggle families for sure….some troops of ours, a death eater that betrayed Voldermort …" I clenched my eyes closed.

"No wonder Remus…no wonder he's…" I bit my tongue and tried to imagine living with myself if I had inflicted that upon innocent people.

"How could you just erase that and try to make him live like nothing has happened? How could you…." I stood him unable to stand what I knew was true. Dumbledore was a wizard without soul, a man with our feelings…

"Harry, I did what was best for him!" Dumbledore hissed. "I did what must be done in order to keep those we need around to defeat Volder…"

"Is that all that matters? Is that all that fucking matters to you? What about his life? What about mine and Severus's?!"

Dumbledore looked tired and cold and strangely old. "A life is a life, and a few scars for the death of a wizard that's ruled us for too long aren't losses at all." My head hurt and I couldn't breathe, what Dumbledore said crashed into me like the strongest wave of the blackest sea.

'_Oh, how terribly wrong you are Dumbledore'_….I wanted to say, but the world became dark for me, and the floor was my bed.

"_Remus put it down!" Hermione screamed. I didn't know what I was seeing… I had passed out in Dumbledore's office. This wasn't right…this was the hospital where Lupin was. Remus stood against the back wall of his room, eyes flashing something deadly as Hermione approached. "Stay back…I know…I know what you did!" Lupin snarled. I suddenly didn't recognize him at all. This wasn't Remus Lupin; this wizard was a monster. _

"_Remus…you don't understand. Albus did what was best for…" Hermione started calmly but Remus raised the wand he held so dearly in his hand. "Me? What was best for me?!" Remus shouted. Hermione whipped around facing me as the door to Remus's room opened. There stood another Medi-witch looking terrified. "Mr. Lupin I beg you, put down your wand and wait. We've owled Dumbledore already and he'll be here very soon…" _

_Remus raised his own wand and pointed it at Hermione and the other witch who stood looking as white as ghosts. "Remus...please, please listen…" Hermione begged eyes filling with tears. "Either you kill me or I'll kill you." Lupin hissed. "Don't let it happen this way.." The other witch whispered. _

"_I'll give you to the count of three.." said Lupin. _

"_Remus please!" Hermione shouted pulling out her wand. _

"_WE NEED HELP IN HERE!" The other witch cried. _

"_One…." _

"_Please Remus…" Hermione said now sobbing openly._

"…_two…" _

_I looked around frantically wondering why other witches and wizards weren't there helping. I watched Remus raise his wand pointed it full on at Hermione looking as though it took no thought to kill an innocent girl he had known for nearly seven years. _

"_REMUS!" Hermione choked. "Don't please…don't make me…" But suddenly before Lupin could make another move I watched Hermione raise her wand and shout, "Avada Kedavra."_

"Wake up Harry." A voice said from somewhere above me. I cracked open my eyes and to find myself In the Hospital wing at Hogwarts. It seemed an all too familiar setting. I sighed heavily remembering what I had saw and suddenly a hand rested on my shoulder. I looked up to find Snape staring down at me emotionless; but the touch alone was enough for me.

"He's dead isn't he." I choked not wanting to look up and see the answers that laid behind Dumbledore's eyes. There was a silence unlike any I had ever known; but that alone gave me the answer. "I told you!" I shouted trying to stand up, trying to get away from the man who seemed to be responsible for every loss and pain I had ever encountered. "You must understand…" Dumbledore began.

"I'm tired of understanding…" I hissed pushing away from Snape who tried to force me back down on the bed. "I'm tired of accepting and moving on and forgetting and still hurting later!" I screamed feeling my voice crack on every word. "Harry…" Dumbledore nearly begged reaching out to control me; but I stepped away and walked from Snape and the infirmary as I made my way to the familiar cold of the dungeons.

_Harry-_

_Tell me what to do Harry, please tell me how to forget what I did. Dumbledore offered to erase it, to make me forget it that way, but I know I'll end up just like Remus, Harry….god, what do I do now? _

_Hermione_

"Tell her the truth then Potter." Snape muttered over the top of his book. I looked at him curiously. "What are you a mind reader or something?" I asked. Snape snorted, "It's not hard to read something when you're sitting six inches away from me."

I blushed at the statement but said nothing in return. "Tell her she must learn to move on. The foolish girl will never figure it out on her own." Snape said setting his book in his lap. I turned around angrily to glare at him. "And what good does that do? It didn't do any good for me, or Sirius or Remus or anyone! You can't just forget and act like nothing happened, it's not normal."

Snape rolled his eyes and stood walking past me to his potions cupboard. "Being normal is highly overrated Potter."

"Fuck you." I muttered crunching the parchment in my fist. "Well Potter, I suppose if you want her to dwell on things and mope about as well as you do, then by all means let her. But don't expect me to be there when your precious little friend ends up dead by her own doing before the war has even ended."

I stood up suddenly and found myself holding Snape still in his chair where he sat. "Shut the fuck up." I hissed, "And if I do not..?" Snape challenged. "Then I'll…" I paused. "I hadn't thought that far ahead." I admitted suddenly feeling less angry.

"The fact you even thought at all surprises me. Congratulations."

I rolled my eyes and watched him drink one of his purple remedies.

I found that these days sleeping was easy. I was almost thankful when nighttime fell upon the Wizarding world promising a few hours of silent solitude. If I could have said the same for Snape, then it would have made it all the better; but sadly Snape was sleeping as well at night as he had been for the last few months…which meant he barely slept at all.

I dreamed I was running down the Quidditch pitch to meet Ron, who stood alive and looking as young as ever when suddenly I felt myself waking up. I stared about the room wondering what had caused me to wake. The room was perfectly silent, and I couldn't see anything especially without the use of my glasses. I reached over to the night stand and picked them up, before I walked to the door of Snape's room to go and see why I had woken.

Nothing in my life had ever been considered normal, so the fact that I woke up knowing something had to be wrong, didn't worry me. I walked about the Snape's work rooms wondering suddenly though why I truly had woken. I saw in front of me, Snape lying on the floor, on his stomach, breathing slowly.

I ran to his side my heart pounding a million miles per hour. "Severus…" I hissed dropping to my knees turning him over in one fast motion. He hissed in pain and one of his hands latched onto my arm. "P-Potter…" he groaned clenching his eyes tighter. I could feel it coming, that all knowing regret and pain that caused my eyes to sting and fill.

"Moron." I croaked reaching down to pull him further into my arms. "Poppy," was all Snape said. Without thinking I scooped him into my arms and walked as fast as possible to the Hogwarts Infirmary.

"He's alright, right?" I asked the as soon as Snape was settled on the bed sleeping. "Mmm…for now I suppose." The Medi-witch told me. I spun around and glared at her. "For now?" I asked. "Do not start with me Mr. Potter, get some rest. We'll talk in the morning."

She began to walk away back to her chambers, so I gave up and turned my attention back to Snape. God, he looked pale…and thin. I hadn't noticed how sick he was looking until I really stopped and looked. When I stared at him wondering what I had gotten myself into I remember those words he said to me when I told him I wanted him no matter what the cost, _ " I will leave you alone with nothing. You're too young to have a dead Lover." _

I think it was then I finally understood that to be true.

_Harry-_

_I heard about Snape. It's terribly sad, and I don't know what to say really. Its strange how things end up isn't it? One by one we are all dieing. This wasn't what we thought we were getting ourselves into is it? No, I don't think it is. I'm beginning to question everything now. Why are you and I still alive Harry? What the hell makes us worthy? God…if anything Ron should be here and I should be dead. Damnit Harry, why can't I forget? How long will it take for me to just move on and never look back?_

_Hermione_

I looked up from the letter to see Snape staring over my head. "Thirsty?" I asked reaching for the pitcher that was set on his bed side table. Snape said nothing so I took it into my own hands to pour him a glass. "Poppy says you could be in worse condition." I told him. Snape finally let his eyes rest on me for a moment.

"Did she now?" Snape snarled. "Yeah, I mean she said you still look very healthy…"

"Pray tell Potter what is worse than having to stay in a hospital at all hours, unable to do anything on your own, waiting until you die?"

I swallowed and looked at my hands that sat in my lap. "I dunno."

Snape snorted, " Of course you don't. Because there is nothing worse." He snapped. I bit my lip and forced myself to suck it up if just for him. "I'm not thirsty." He told me finally. I chuckled and reached forward to push some hair out of his face. When he didn't object I got out of my chair and sat on the edge of the bed, just to be near him.

"You're not afraid are you?" I asked feeling like I was twelve years old again. Snape rolled his eyes and looked away from me. "Shut up Potter."

"Well, I just want you to know that it's okay to be, I mean, I'd be scared."

"How touching."

"Not knowing what comes after d-death.."

"You make me feel completely at ease."

I growled and covered my face with my hands. "I don't know what to say, alright?! This is new for me too!" Snape said nothing and simply sat staring straight ahead. "You can push me away all you want but I'm going to be here every moment you breathe and bitch and whatever else you do! I'm not missing it because you're scared.." I whispered grabbing Snape's chin forcing him to look at me.

Snape looked strangely shocked when his eyes met mine. I realized it was probably because mine were filled with tears. "It's a waste." He muttered. I laughed and shook my head leaning forward until our foreheads met. "You're wrong. " I mumbled. Snape sucked in a quick breath but said nothing.

"So fucking wrong…" I said as I leaned forward and kissed him full on. Surprisingly enough Snape had no objections.

Snape told me that it was time for me to start paying attention to the world outside of Hogwarts. But I didn't want to. I knew what was out there and what had to be done; but if anything I'd rather just be in the infirmary waiting to see if Snape would receive his miracle.

"It's pointless you know." Hermione told me in a mere whisper. She had come to visit for a day not long after Snape had had his accident. "No it's not." I snapped back crossing my arms. Hermione sighed and looked over Snape with weary eyes. "I know it's hard, but you'll learn to move on, I mean…I did." She told me. I turned to her and laughed.

"You moved on? I'm to end up like you? Look at yourself Hermione! You're falling apart." I hissed. Snape groaned in his sleep but did not wake. "I'd rather be hurt than delusional."

"Fuck you." I spat walking past her out of the infirmary. I knew she'd follow but I didn't care. "Harry I'm sorry, but you'll hurt and there's nothing wrong with that! There's not a thing wrong with wishing he'd come out okay; but that doesn't mean he will."

I turned around and saw her eyes swelled with tears. "God, I prayed for days that Ron would come home to me. I dreamed about it. I knew he'd be alright; if I just kept my spirits up….but he's not!" Hermione shouted. "He's not and he's dead and I can't do a damn thing about it. Wishing doesn't make things so. "

I said nothing as I watched Hermione fall apart piece by piece in front of me. I didn't even care when she left the next morning without saying goodbye. "Granger gone already?" Snape asked opening his eyes after a long night's rest. "Gone." I repeated sitting stiffly in the chair next to his bed. "You look like death. Forgotten how to sleep Potter?" Snape asked coldly.

I shook my head, "Maybe."

_Mr. H Potter_

_Please report to Order Headquarters immediately for urgent news. _

_Sincerely,_

_Albus Dumbledore, Alastor Moody_

**_The Order of the Phoenix_**

"You have to understand…" I told Snape as he ignored me for what seemed like the millionth time that day. "I want you to be able to do what you want, when you want..." I paused and sighed, "..It's not possible you….we both know it. The best thing is for you to stay here and rest. At least here Poppy can take care of you." I explained. Snape crossed his arms across his chest and rolled his eyes.

"As you wish." He muttered.

We never seemed on good terms those days. Either Snape was angry or I was, for one reason or another. I tried to make him overcome his own self pity but he of course was too proud to even admit that he was pitying himself. "Your moping again." He said to me.

I looked over the book I had pretended to be reading, "Am I really?" I asked setting it down as I went to sit on the bed next to him. "Then again, when aren't you?" Snape added. I laughed to myself and snuck an arm around his neck, pulling him into a kiss. Snape sighed and I felt one of his arms wrap around my lower back in return. I licked his lips once, then twice and pulled back.

"Tease." He mumbled. "I don't want to tire you out, you know." I told him. Snape snorted and pulled me towards him with more strength than I thought a man in his condition should have. "As if you could ever do that Potter." And his lips sealed over mine once more.

I left that night for The Order house, later than Dumbledore wanted of course. But then again, I rarely took orders from him. "You're late." Moody said opening the doors of Grimmauld place. "Is that so? " I muttered shaking my head a bit from the cold of flying, a shiver ran down my spine when I saw that Dumbledore and Malfoy sat at the table before me. "Ah, Harry, have a seat won't you?" the oldest wizard said.

I sighed and walked to table carefully taking the seat farthest from Malfoy. "Urgent business then? Well, go on." I said trying to look impatient. Malfoy rolled his eyes sat up straight. "You're rather rude nowadays eh Potter?" He said with a voice soft at silk. "It would seem so." I said picking a string off of my robes.

"Care for some tea Harry? Perhaps something to eat?" Dumbledore asked laying his hands gracefully in his lap. "I came here because you owled me, I did not come here for food and drinks." I stated. "In times like these it's important to cherish the moments in-between business."

"I'm sure." I whispered knowing they probably didn't hear. "You're probably starving yourself though, right Potter? A little fasting for a false God and maybe Snape won't die?" I stood up fast causing my chair to fly backwards and pounced over the table right at Malfoy. He landed with a yelp on the floor, hands held down by me. "You're a lot…of…talk...Malfoy.." I panted face inches from his. "But that's all….isn't it?"

I felt Dumbledore pull me away with all his might and Malfoy sat up pushing his blond hair out of his face. "You're Insane. You've gone insane." Malfoy gasped looking at me with wild eyes. "You wish." I snapped. Malfoy stood up swiftly and starred at Dumbledore, as though commanding him to do something. "I believe its best we let old rivalries die and get down to business." Was all the older wizard said. I rolled my eyes and took my seat once more.

"You see Harry, Voldermort has been moving swiftly. His attacks have been precise and not one death accidental. Each person died as a pathway to you, and each person closer to you in relationships, the closer Voldermort's come to his final battle." He spoke and spoke of how Voldermort had planned everything that had destroyed my life in the last few months, but somehow it just didn't seem possible.

"You're full of shit, he kills to kill, and if it happens to tie up with me along the way it happens. He wants me dead, so what? You think he planned the death of my friends to get to me? How the fuck does that work?" I spat angrily. Malfoy rolled his eyes for what seemed like the millionth time that night, but I tried to just ignore him.

"It's much like the technique I believe that muggles use when training soldiers; you break them down and then build them up. Each friend killed hurt you, made you want to leave and to forget. Death after death and by the end of your captainship you barely cared for anything anymore. Voldermort killed those you loved and in the end broke down your spirit to fight…" Dumbledore paused , "Not to mention all your defenses. Before I allowed you to go to Hogwarts your wall of defense was completely destroyed. We feared for your life everyday."

I growled and slammed my fists on the table. "What the hell is the point of all this? To tell me I'm weak and useless?!" I shouted. Malfoy spoke up," Open your eyes Potter, you couldn't defeat the Dark Lord if you were God right now! You have nothing on your mind but Snape and the pain of your friends. You've forgotten your damn birth right and know nothing but the obstacles life has thrown at you. You're going to fail the Wizarding world and fuck us all over!"

The room seemed to echo with a silence I hadn't known was possible. I wondered for a moment if perhaps Ron and Remus were indeed in a place like heaven watching and laughing as what little hope I had left flew away. "What do you want me to do." I whispered folding my hands in my lap. "We've been training Draco…he's learned nearly everything there is to know. He knows you head to toe and Voldermort as well. Draco will be taking your spot by killing the dark lord."

I had nothing to say at that moment. "We'll fool Voldermort, Use poly-juice and make him believe Draco is you. " Dumbledore explained. I snorted, he made things seem to simple and pointless. "It's hardly a laughing matter Potter, this is our fate we're discussing, not to mention your life I'm taking over." Malfoy snapped. "It's _hardly_ my life Malfoy, you think I'm sad you're going to kill the man who ruined half my life? Good riddance. " Malfoy seemed almost surprised by my words but I couldn't have cared less if I tried. "It's settled then, Harry we'll be needing a few samples of hair then…" Dumbledore said standing and Malfoy followed in suit.

I sighed and retrieved a small pocket knife from my robe and pulled a lock of hair straight out from my head. I close my eyes and cut the piece off. I wasn't surprised when the lock grew back almost as soon as it had been chopped. Dumbledore extended a hand holding a small sack. I placed in hair with in and said nothing.

"Another successful meeting; it's just brilliant how things work out." Malfoy said coldly. I walked to the door without saying a word as my hand reached the door knob and opened. "Oh and Harry, send Severus my hellos. " Dumbledore added. I bit the inside of the mouth so I would say nothing and left.

As I flew home, I couldn't help but think about whether or not I should tell Snape I was no longer to kill Voldermort. What would he say? Would he be disappointed? When I entered the castle, I was reminded of the strange silence that seemed to follow me everywhere those days. "Harry." Someone said near me. I spun around looking for where it had come from. Heel clicked across the floor and finally I saw Hermione appear.

"You're back sooner than I expected." She said. I looked at a box I hadn't originally noticed she had been carrying. "What are you doing here?" I asked. She sighed, "For Severus, Harry. You know that…" she sighed turning on her heel walking towards the infirmary. I followed. "What did Dumbledore want?" Hermione asked in a whisper just before we entered.

"It doesn't matter…" I muttered not looking her in the eyes. She pursed her lips and said nothing after pushing the door open. Snape was sitting up in bed, reading a book of some sort. He did not look up or even acknowledge my being there. "How do you feel?" Hermione asked him. He jerked his head away from his reading looking annoyed. "I told you an hour ago I was fine." And then nothing else.

"A 'hello' would be nice." I whispered as I leaned over his shoulder to see what he was reading. "It's a Potions book Potter, nothing you'd understand." He said bitterly. I bit my cheek for what seemed like the millionth time that day just so no one would have to listen to what I had to say.

"I'll just be in the other room if you need me." Hermione said pointing the door as she stifled a yawn. I rolled my eyes are she walked away and sat down next to Severus. "It wasn't good news then I take it?" he asked sounding positively sarcastic. "Oh no, it was quite good news, we're getting a hot tub for war survivors; and possibly a pool." Snape snorted and sat his book down in his lap. I sighed and curled up next to him, with one of my arms draped across his chest. I closed my eyes and rested my head in the crock of his neck.

"I hate hot tubs." He mumbled finally. I couldn't help but laugh.

_Remus and Ron smiled at me through a strange plant woven doorway. "Harry!" Ron yelled waving a hand in the air. I looked about but I couldn't seem to get my eyes off of Ron and Remus smiling, looking sickly happy. "Come on Harry, hurry up! Everyone's waiting!" Ron shouted. I laughed suddenly, feeling better than I had in the last few years of my life. I ran towards them thinking of the possible people who would be waiting for me past that doorway. _

_I ran and ran but the door seemed to just meld into the doorway. "Ron!" I screamed watching him and Remus pull the door shut. "We tried Harry...we tried our best…we've waited too long." Remus whispered. The doors shut and I felt hands grabbing me by the shoulders and stealing me away. "Let me go! Let me go God damnit! It's not too late! I'm coming!" I shouted, but the hands continued to rip me away from my friends. _

"POTTER!" Snape snapped shoving me off the bed looking furious. "It should be me!" I sobbed pushing myself further away from Severus on the floor. "They're waiting, it should be me!" I pulled my knees up to my chest. Hermione came running into the Infirmary looking confused. "What's going on…?"

I stood up ran from the room grabbing my broom as I went. They did nothing to stop me. I flew faster than I remember ever doing before. The wind nearly froze my face and the anticipation my soul. I had to stop Malfoy, I had to stop Dumbledore. It was my destiny; my destiny to fight and maybe die. They were waiting, they were waiting and I wouldn't deny them of us meeting once more any longer. The clouds seem to fall to earth causing a sudden fog to blind my flying path. I clenched my eyes trying to see better, when out of no where an owl flew and hit me right on.

I was falling and then suddenly I was sleeping.

_Harry_

_You are not to leave Hogwarts for any reason. You must stay out of sight of any wizards and witches for the next six hours. Beginning at 14 hundred hours. THIS IS AN ORDER._

_Sincerely _

_Albus Dumbledore_

I opened my eyes and found myself in a room I didn't recognize. It was smaller, with a high ceiling. The walls were white, as was the small table sitting next to his white bed. A letter lay opened and I read it quickly. The words sank in but yet barely made any sense. "SOMEONE!" I screamed standing up and pounding on the doors. "PLEASE! HELP! ANYONE!" I spun around suddenly feeling light headed. "PLEASE! PLEASE….please…" I begged falling to my knees on the cold floor.

Nothing made sense.

"Harry…" a voice said from behind the shut door of the room. "Harry…please you must understand..."

"Hermione?!" I hissed slamming myself against the door. "Yes, Harry. Please, Harry you must understand…It's just begun, the plan…it's just begun."

"Hermione let me out!" I screamed pounding on the door. "LET ME OUT!!" I screamed as loud as I possibly could. The lights above me exploded and the walls shook with such force I thought an earth quake was beginning. I dug in my pocket searching for my wand, but I found nothing. "OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!" I shouted, and then suddenly as if my words were the key it whipped open and Hermione lay on the floor looking frightened. "Harry…did you…did you just use wandless magic?" Hermione asked.

"Where are we?" I hissed. "The room of requirement." Hermione whispered. "What's going on?" I hissed pulling her up. "Malfoy, Harry…Dumbledore said Malfoy was going to kill the Dark Lord." She said shaking. "Pretending to be me!" I shouted. "No, no…just Malfoy. I saw him, just Malfoy." Hermione sobbed shaking uncontrollably. "Never mind." I said looking around for the door to get out of the room of requirement. Once I found it I opened it and began to walk out. "Harry Dumbledore said you had to stay, you can't leave! They mustn't know where you are!" I ignored her and walked from the room anyways.

I seemed to fly as I ran down the seven flights of stairs to the infirmary. I had to know that Snape was still okay. I must have been only a few feet away when I heard voices. One sounded distinctly like my own. "I have to go Severus…but I'll be back." I looked up into the window on the door of the infirmary. There stood the mirror of myself. It could have been no one but Malfoy. Snape looked pissed beyond all belief. "Just go Potter." He hissed. Malfoy sighed and leaned down to kiss Snape. My blood boiled. Snape did nothing for some time, finally one of his hands wrapped tightly around Malfoy's neck pulling him closer. I could hear him moan…it wasn't me…it wasn't me he was kissing!

I couldn't help myself I slammed the doors open and stared at them in disbelief. "Basturd…" I hissed starring at Malfoy and his just kissed mouth. "I…." Malfoy began but I grabbed him by the collar throwing him down on the floor. The first hit made my insides scream with glory, and then a wand was pointed at the back of my head. "You lay one hand on him and you'll spend the rest of your life in pieces." He hissed.

"Severus…how could you believe…how could you think that was me?" I whispered. "Couldn't you tell?" I felt the pressure of the wand lessen against my head. Snape pointed his wand at the fake me and mumbled something under his breath. The almost unconscious wizard turned into the infamous Draco Malfoy. "You moron…" Malfoy muttered. "What will we do now?!" He hissed shoving me backwards. "Whose going to kill that fucker now?!"

"Who do you think?" I snapped grabbing Snape's wand and pointing it directly at his forehead. "You and Dumbledore will never take away my right…my God damn birth right to kill him!" I said. Malfoy tried to stand, but Severus took his wand back and shouted, "_Petrificus Totalus!" _

Malfoy fell flat on his back unable to move. "Thanks." I muttered to Snape standing. I began to walk from the room when Severus grabbed me by the shoulders starring at me in a way he never had before. "You have a choice…you do not have to go out there." He said. I looked back and bit my lip. He was right, I did have a choice, and I knew what I had to do. "I want to stay here and act like it's the only thing important…the only thing I have to do. But it's not." I looked up. Snape dropped his arms down to his sides.

"Then go." He snapped limping back over to his bed. I wrapped my arms around his stomach from behind. "I dreamed once…that I…we grew up. Got married. Adopted a little boy." I laughed into his back because just saying it out loud seemed ridiculous. Snape took a deep breath but said nothing. "We had a life together…in the dream I mean." I paused for a second taking in the smell of him. "Wouldn't it be wonderful?" I asked.

Snape clenched and my eyes became blurry. "Nothing in the world but me, you and a child." I felt one tear slide down and suddenly felt foolish. "I have to go though…" I whispered. I let go and Snape did not look back as I walked away. As I grabbed my broom from outside the door of the infirmary I swore I heard him whisper, _"Yes…it would be."_

I flew over the ground of Hogwarts until the colors of spells could be seen in the sky. There was still a war going on, but somehow I had completely forgotten about it. I heard screams the closer I became, and in the far distance the dark mark hung in the sky. I knew Voldermort was near. I rushed onwards only hoping that it would all be over in a matter of minutes. I flew to the ground where it seemed the dark mark hung directly over. A circle of hooded figures stood and one man in the middle preached with his voice like a snake.

"Can you taste it brothers?" Voldermort asked. The men and women howled with delight. "Only a matter of moments and victory will be ours…" He hissed. I peaked around from the tree I was standing behind. "How do you know my lord?" one wizard asked. Voldermort laughed darkly and pulled out his wand. He muttered something pointing his wand directly where I stood. He couldn't see me…I swore there was no way he could have seen me. Suddenly the tree disappeared and I fell forward onto my knees.

"Because my loyal follower….Potter's already arrived." The wizards and witches turned towards me looking surprised and sickly thrilled. They all seemed to pull their wands out at the same time, only to point them right at me. I tossed my broom into the bushes and pulled out my wand wondering how it would be possible to kill Voldermort and thirty…maybe forty of his followers at the same time.

I was afraid. I hadn't remembered what it was like to be afraid until I stood right before him. "Well Potter? Are you going to kill me now?" Voldermort chuckled as his snake like eyes focused right on me.

"You always were impatient Tom." Someone said from above us. I looked up and saw nothing. Voldermort looked just as surprised surveying the area seeing nothing. "You're cheap tricks will not fool me Potter…" he growled. I panted feeling just as nervous as Voldermort now seemed. Voldermort opened his mouth as though to spit his first spell, but the air filled with a bright purple explosion. I flew forward and landed face forward in the grass. When I stood up what could have been minutes later, I could here muffled voices.

"My lord! My lord! What should we do?" they asked. I opened my eyes and saw Voldermort standing just a few feet away looking as tossed around as I felt. "What have you done?!" he hissed staring at the strange purple bubble that now surrounded us. "I didn't….I…" I looked up into the sky and there hovering in mid air was an elite of Dumbledore, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Made-eye Moody and Hermione.

Suddenly I had a feeling it was possible. The purple bubble seemed to hold Voldermort and me in, but it also kept the death eaters and anyone from coming in. "Dumbledore…" Voldermort hissed. I pointed my wand at him and shouted," Crucio!" It was all for nothing, because he dodged it like it was nothing. I heard Made-eye scream something and out of the corner of my eye I saw three death eater fire spells.

"You will not beat me this way…" Voldermort hissed approaching me. "Imperio!" He shouted. I dumbly ducked and the spell hit my shoulder. "DO YOU HEAR ME POTTER? You will not beat me this way!"

"Yes I will!" I screamed. "Crucio!" Voldermort said in reply. I was sure I was done as his Crucio sunk into my body. "Crucio!" He screamed again. I forced myself to stand. "Crucio!" Voldermort shouted once more. "_Finite Incantatem!" _I said suddenly. Voldermort hissed loudly and sank to his knees.

"YOU KILLED THEM!" I shouted. "Crucio!" I screamed watching him twitch in pain. "Crucio! Crucio! Crucio!" Voldermort raised his wand trying to aim a spell at me. _"Expelliarmus!" _Voldermorts wand flew to me and suddenly I realized he was in my hands. "YOU WILL NEVER HURT ANYONE AGAIN! DO YOU HEAR ME?!" Voldermort looked up at me and his eyes burnt into mine. "Killing me will never bring your family back Potter…you're a fool…a mindless fool who thinks with his heart!" I raised my wand, "AVADA KEDAVRA!"

His red eyes opened wide, as a strange scream flooded from his mouth. Around me I heard the screams of death eaters. The purple bubble slowly disappeared. Voldermort continued his strange cry; I looked around as Death eater after death eater fell to the ground grabbing their arms in pain. "MY LORD!" a few yelled.

Dumbledore leaned completely on Kingsley. I looked and saw Hermione holding her wand out shaking. Mad-eye's eyes rested on me and he looked shocked. "Potter!" He shouted. I lifted a hand to say that I was fine. Hermione let out a sob and as she pointed her wand right at me. I turned around and suddenly a sharp pain sank into chest. "See you in hell, Potter…" the man whimpered shaking in pain. I looked down and saw his hand clutching a sword handle that was now in my chest.

"HARRY!" Hermione screamed. I felt my eyes rolls back as the world went black.

_A field full a butterflies, is there nothing better? Each one a different color proclaiming freedom to the world. "Harry." Someone said. I turned and saw nothing; nothing but butterflies. "You don't have to be scared." The voice told me. "I'm not." I said sitting down on a particularly soft piece of land. I felt a hand run over my cheek, I sat up suddenly, but no one was there. _

"_He'll live, tell me he'll live!" an angry voice snapped. "I'm alive!" I shouted standing. Butterflies flew about me, one landed on my face. I swatted it away. "Please! I'm right here!" I felt hands hold me down, forcing me to the ground. Something fowl was shoved down my throat and then butterflies landed on top of me. "God damnit Harry…wake up…" a women's voice pleaded. "I'm awake!" I cried. "Please I'm awake!" my mind swam with confusion and then darkness came again. _

I opened my eyes and saw nothing but the Hogwarts infirmary. The lights were out and it was clear that it was night. "You should be dead right now..." Someone croaked. I looked to my right and saw Snape fully dressed. I hadn't seen him in his regular black robes for almost three weeks. "I swore I was." I whispered. "Have you ever dreamed of butterflies?" I asked. Snape shook his head . "They were all over in my dream. That's all there was, butterflies and sky. Cool huh?" I shivered and coughed feeling cold. Snape handed me a glass of water and I drank it gratefully.

I looked down and saw Snape's arm wrapped up. "Did it burn…I saw them…the death eaters. They screamed like they were dieing." I told him. Snape pulled his arm out of view. "It's nonexistent now." He muttered. I swallowed. "Oh god..." I lifted my hand to my head. It was still there…It wasn't gone. "God...I thought, I swore it would be gone.."

"Are you sorry it's not?" Snape whispered standing up. "No; should I be?" I asked. Snape rolled his eyes and sat down next to me instead. "Yes." He whispered. I bit my lip and threw myself into his lap. "I should want it gone.." I sobbed. "God damnit.."

"It's just a scar Potter."

I kissed Snape's neck and held on for dear life. "I wanted to die." I confessed. " I wanted to die and to be with you." Snape pulled his arms around me but said nothing. "Then we could be together…we could have a family. Don't you fucking get it!?" I screamed shoving away from him. "I save the world and live, and you give up everything and die! How is that fair?! How is that fucking fair?! Why don't you care?"

Snape starred at me emotionless. "It wasn't supposed to be like this…" I whispered using the bed sheet to wipe away the snot from my nose. "I was supposed to die. Ron said…they were waiting for me. I dreamed they were waiting for me. I was supposed to die."

Severus snorted and crossed his arms across his chest. "You're alive Potter; you've done what you've must and you have the one thing you claim to have wanted most."

I looked at Snape, "Oh?!" I said angrily, "..And what's that?"

"Your freedom."

"You think I want freedom anymore?! You think that's what I want?! What about you? I want you and I want you to live!" I shouted grabbing him by the collar. "Why don't you cry or care or do anything to show me you want something more than the shit you must have!" Snape sighed and pulled my hands off his collar. "Death is unstoppable, and freedom is nonexistent in my eyes; the only thing I know now is one of us has the chance to live a life without the presence of fear and insecurity that Voldermort plagued the Wizarding world with almost half a century."

"Let's just forget then?" I asked feeling too tired to fight anymore. "Acceptance Potter. It's different." I closed my eyes and leaned backwards into Severus's chest. "If we had a son would you let me name it Sirius or James?" I asked. Snape snorted resting his head on top of mine.

"Shut up Potter."

_Harry_

_I don't think things could ever be the same but I can't be anything but thankful that you somehow survived it all. Malfoy had a terrible head ache; he claimed it lasted for nearly a day. I said I thought he somehow deserved it. Dumbledore looked pretty rattled after fighting, but he came out okay too, that's good right? It's strange how things can be shitty one moment, and the next almost sickly perfect. I cried for no reason last night, I just sat and thought and then thanked God it's finally all over. Sometimes I think that maybe we'll all just go to sleep together and then wake up to see that the jokes been entirely on us. _

_I miss you Harry, so much I don't think you'll ever truly understand. I dreamed last night that we were all back at Hogwarts and no one knew of Voldermort. It was the way life should have been for us. Do you regret it? The war I mean…do you regret everything we did? I don't see how anyone could, but I can't help but wonder if all the loses were somehow in vain. What's the price of freedom, Harry? Our best friends? Our families? Deaths of people no one knows? _

_It's one, no one can pay I suppose. Do you ever dream at night and are so sure what you saw was real, only to wake up and find out it's not? Well, I do anyways. Sometimes I think that maybe that's all life is; one big dream after a much too long nightmare. _

_Write back soon Harry, I'll be looking forward to your letter. _

_Love,_

_Hermione_

Snape coughed looking at me confused. "What?" he snapped coldly pulling the book he had been reading into his view once more. "Just Hermione." I said folding the letter and placing it on the table next to Severus's bed. "You need anything?" I asked lifting a hand to feel his forehead. He growled and pulled away angrily. "Leave it be Potter." He muttered. I sighed and leaned back in my chair as I crossed my arms across my chest.

Snape coughed again and then reached for his glass of water taking a drink. He no longer wore his black robes, but instead the regular hospital gown. How long would it be? Was I to have minutes, hours or days left with him? "Hey," I said turning in my chair so I was facing him. Snape rolled his eyes and put down his book looking annoyed. "What now Potter? For god sakes…"

"..If you could be anywhere right now where would you be?" Snape sighed and leaned against the backboard of his bed. "Anywhere?" He repeated. "Anywhere." I said. Snape did nothing but breathe for what seemed like hours, but couldn't have been more than a few seconds. "I don't know." He said finally. I growled in frustration. "Come on…you have to pick somewhere.."

"Fine…I'd like to be somewhere…flying." Snape blushed. "You like flying?" I asked suddenly unable to hold in my laugh. "Fuck off." Snape growled as he laid down turning his back to me. "No…it's…well, great. We have something in common." I told him leaning over to kiss his shoulder. Snape snorted. "Swell Potter, we have one thing in common." I laughed again. "It's something at least."

_Harry_

_Bodies are being found, which I suppose is a good thing. We know the truth of those missing, and that's something positive about it. Dumbledore says there'll be a ceremony where we'll remember everyone who fought and died fighting against Voldermort. I guess Ron's dad half came up with it as well, though I could hardly picture Arthur or Molly wanting to talk about Ginny, Ron or anyone who died. _

_Dumbledore says its due time that people realize what we sacrificed was necessary to save everyone. I think he doesn't understand that everyone is still sorely missed for one reason or another. _

_Tell Severus I said Hi. _

_Love,_

_Hermione_

Snape never talked much these days. But then again, either did I. I wanted to go to the ceremony, but I figured he wouldn't be able to go with me. "You can't let him go Harry." Hermione told me one day after she had invited to the order house for tea. "What am I supposed to do? Severus, you can't come and remember the people you cared about who died; but let's play chess and talk about how your dieing, alright?" I snorted and slammed my coffee cup on the table.

"It'll do him more harm than good, and you know it. He has only so much time left…."

"Exactly!" I shouted standing. "…and he wants to spend it doing what he wishes, not what everyone else thinks is better for him."

Hermione and I parted our separate ways, still flustered. She was somehow partially right about the whole ideal I came to learn.

"What do you mean you don't want to go?" I said dropping the chess pieces I had been setting up on his bed. "Are you deaf Potter?" He muttered folding his hands in his lap. "I've been convincing everyone that you'd want to go and that you had every right to go if you wanted to!" I shouted. Snape huffed and rolled his eyes. "If I _wanted_ to go."

I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing at all. "It's not the end of the world…it hardly matters." He said setting up the pieces I had dropped. "Whatever. Pawn to D-4."

"If it doesn't matter then I suppose you should stop acting like a woman." Snape snapped pushing the board off to the side. I watched three pieces fall to the ground grumbling about how no one ever took good care of the infirmary chess set. "I thought you were sick of people telling you that you couldn't do things. I was just standing up for you." I pointed out. Snape closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "There's no point…" he paused opening his eyes and looking off to the side, "…in wasting my breath."

I bit my tongue and said nothing. Maybe he was right.

_Harry_

_I'm sorry you and Severus couldn't make it to the ceremony. It was beautiful. Dumbledore spoke mostly and everyone else was just a mess. I'm glad I went though; it was a nice way to move on but remember at the same time. _

_Love, _

_Hermione_

I folded her letter and starred at Snape who was now sleeping, looking worse than he had in ages. I thought about how I wished he could get better, but I knew I was just joking myself. I heard foot steps, so I turned around. Dumbledore stood in the doorway smiling at me like always.

"Alas, he sleeps." He said. I nodded and turned back to watch him. "It's hardly ever fair Harry..." He said placing a hand on my shoulder. I jumped slightly at the words but said nothing. "You can do nothing, but do everything." I crinkled my brow confused. "I…I don't understand."

"Have no regrets Harry; leave nothing undone and nothing unsaid. Do everything." The older man told me. My eyes felt heavy and they stung at the words. "I-I can't do everything…I can't because he won't let me!" I hissed pulling away from Dumbledore. I rested my face in my hands trying my best to calm down. "There are ways Harry." He said.

I stood up and walked from the room not wanting to disturb Severus. I felt him follow.

"What the hell am I supposed to do?! Pretend like he's fine and can do anything! He can't, and that's all there is to it…" Dumbledore smiled sadly as he stuck his hand into his robe. He brought out a vial with a pink tinted potion with in it. "There are ways to do everything you never had the time for." He whispered. My hand shook as I reached for the vial.

"A cure?" I asked. Dumbledore shook his head. "Not for Severus, Harry…for you."

"But I…I don't…."

"A famous man once said, time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity."

He paused, "You can have an eternity Harry. You can have your eternity together. "

Dumbledore left after that, humming a tune I never understood, looking as though the entire world had fallen apart. The next morning Hermione came to visit and found him cold and blue at his desk; dead. Snape didn't say much about it, and Hermione almost seemed uncaring. I screamed for a while until Kingsley and Tonks came to calm me down.

It had been a long week of being free.

"You've been mopping for ages…I'd have thought you'd be worn out by now." Snape said to me. I rolled my eyes and laid down next to him on the bed. "I am...worn out that is." I told him. Snape sighed and leaned down to kiss me once. I pulled his down harder forcing him to stay for a moment. When he pulled back he raised a brow. "An eternity…is it too long?" I asked.

"For what?" he asked leaning back and closing his eyes. "For us." I told him. Snape snorted. "Far too long." He muttered in a deep stage of sleep. I reached my hand into my pocket and pulled out the pink vial that Dumbledore had given me. "He said we could have an eternity. He said this would give it to us." Snape's eyes opened and he stared at the bottle with fire in his eyes. "Your kidding me Potter…"Snape said grabbing the vial from my hand.

I jumped up feeling burned. "GIVE IT BACK!" I shouted. "What the hell were you thinking? Taking your life?!" Snape growled. "H-he…he told me we could have forever…" Snape stood suddenly and slammed me against the wall. "We will never have forever." He whispered resting his forehead against mine.

I sobbed and wrapped my arms around his back. "There is no such thing…" and his kissed me. Hard. I moaned and held on for dear life because his solid form was the only thing keeping me there. This was it, this was all there was. Forever was nothing, and soon he would be dead.

Snape pulled back and starred at me. "That potion would have killed you, you idiot…that's not how it works…that's not how you were meant to die." He hissed. I closed my eyes.

"There's a world rebuilding and people who'd die without you, and you will not be a God damned coward and leave them like that." I sobbed and clenched my eyes closed. Snape said forever was nothing; and maybe he was right. But even as I held him for what seemed like the last time I ever would, I wished forever was something.

There's was nothing but an old muggle house left in my name, a few gold gallons and the wand he used to kill Lucius Malfoy. Hermione and me were the only ones who stayed long after the funeral service was over, but I couldn't bring myself to care. Tonks said the set up was beautiful, and that Severus would have liked the thousands of green flowers we used. Molly and Arthur said the scriptures were well spoken, but left long before the casket was to be opened for viewing.

He was buried right next to Dumbledore, but his grave looked insignificant in comparison. Hermione said it wouldn't really matter, and I said I didn't really care. We both wrote letters and laid them in the newly settled dirt, with a rose and some babies breath.

As Hermione began to reach for my hand a Butterfly flew by.

I laughed and shook my head.

"What?" She asked. I sighed, "You wouldn't understand."

_--Finis--_


End file.
